Just Us Nerds

ARIES (Mar. 21—Apr. 20)
There is a little piece of magic in your brain that is growing by the minute. It is an illusion that you want to keep in your pocket for a rainy day. You will hold on to what you have if you can let your mind grow. Every thought that keeps you alive keeps you in the material world. This is a bad week for you to trade stocks.

TAURUS (Apr. 21–May 21)
Take all of the packages that you can carry and make them your own. Greed is about life and embracing victory. If you are unprepared for victory, then it is unprepared for you. Try to go clothes shopping this week; you are starting to look a little ragged.

GEMINI (May 22–June 21)
Look out at the water and see your reflection as it catches the wind and folds in upon itself as a brand new day dawns. Look into the sky and feel it take power over you as you set out to solve the problems of the world. Arrange for alternate transportation though, I see car trouble up ahead.

CANCER (June 22–July 22)
There is a circle above you that is falling forward and you are going to lose yourself in it. The illusion of success will hunt you like a cloud in winter. Find the pattern that is inside of you and let it focus all of your energy on the future. Face what you believe and look for patterns in your consciousness. This is the pattern of your existence. It is the intense makeup of the universe to find a pattern in the darkness and you will believe in that pattern as you work your way into a life worth living. Be prepared to solve a math problem this week.

LEO (July 23—Aug. 22)
Fall down and you risk falling apart. Fall up and you find the sky. Look over your shoulder and discover who is coming up behind you. Is that person interesting or are they a slob? I keep thinking that there is a way out for you, but I don’t know what it is yet. Have you tried yoga?

VIRGO (Aug. 23–Sept. 23)
Feel the power of what you say and it will cover you in kisses. Feel the power of every thought that courses through your body and let it make you whole. Dream about the way you wish to live your life and expect nothing less than full victory and the utter defeat of your enemies.

LIBRA (Sept. 24–Oct. 23)
It is the nature of things to fall apart and you are no different. You are hunting for the ghost that never existed. You are looking into the future and finding nothing. You are taking all that you believe in and making it into a sandwich that you will devour in order to find yourself. Try to dance this week. It will make you feel better.

SCORPIO (Oct. 24–Nov. 22)
It is all over for those who make themselves scarce. You want to be a very public person this week. Speak to the people who speak to you and speak to the people who don’t. Do not be afraid of what other people are thinking of you. Be afraid that they aren’t thinking of you at all.

SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 23–Dec. 21)
All of life is in the center of the cookie. We all crumble according to a plan. What kind of cookie are you looking to become? Chocolate chip is nice, as is white chocolate macadamia nut. Never forget the Thin Mints.

CAPRICORN (Dec. 22–Jan. 20)
Think of yourself as a ball of fruit that is rolling toward destiny. Whatever you bounce against will get juiced. Eat from the fruit. Find yourself. Make yourself over into the image you keep seeing out of the corner of your eye. Take the time to spin around in a circle. It will do you good. Eat some pie this week; I recommend cinnamon apple.

AQUARIUS (Jan. 21–Feb. 19)
You will continue down the path of heady optimism and it will fuel you toward destruction. For everything you dream of there is an opposite dream that is coming along just at the right moment. Never fool yourself into thinking this is about success. There is only the spirit of your search. Avoid fast food this week.

PISCES (Feb. 20–Mar. 20)
You are telling the people you see on the street that they are the true winners and you are the person you want to be. Feed them that lie. Make it all seem good inside of you and perhaps it will become so. Never fake an orgasm though; it is rude.