Just Us Nerds

Things I’ve learned from The Sci-Fi Channel #487:
Giant Snakes have poor time management skills.

Ah, bless The Sci-Fi Channel.

On Sunday, in what I assume was a tribute to this weekend’s release of Snakes On a Plane, The Sci-Fi Channel played Boa, Python, Python 2, and Boa Vs. Python, all in a row. While never being one to look a gift marathon of giant snake movies in the mouth (that’s a really good way to get eaten, by the way), halfway through Python, somewhere between Jenny McCarthy’s decapitation, Casper Van Dien’s impalement, and Wil Wheaton’s purple hair, I began to notice a theme. Giant snakes, while being ferocious & terrifying, are apparently easily distracted.

Whenever a giant snake was killed, it was usually led to some kind of trap, like a huge pile of explosives, or a giant vat of acid. Someone would get the giant snake’s attention, the snake would attack them, but then someone else would tap on the snake’s tail, or shoot at it, or yell, “Over here, you SONOFABITCH!” and the snake would invariably go after them, instead of finishing the other person off. In Python, this tactic was repeated 5 times until the snake finally jumped in the big ol’ vat of acid.

I’m sorry, but that’s just an inability to stay task-oriented. If the giant snakes had remained focused, and eaten each person individually, they probably would have gotten away.

The ability to multi-task is important, but it just doesn’t seem to be the giant snake’s forte. I would suggest a seminar of some kind before they terrorize that next rural town, or top secret underground prison compound in Antarctica. There are also some easy-to-do exercises that can build better time management skills. Hell, even a “to-do list” would help.

Or, you can read more about it in my upcoming book, 7 Habits For Highly Successful Giant Snakes.