“Wynona’s got herself a big brown beaver
And she shows it off to all her friends
One day, you know, that beaver tried to leave her
So she caged him up with cyclone fence
Along came The Thursday Night Bullet Points
And said, “recognize that smell?”
Smells like seven layers…
That beaver eats taco bell”
The Bullets are pleased to announce that we have a winner in our “Where My Hose At?” T-Shirt contest. We thank everyone who participated. You guys sent us loads of great pictures, but we could only pick one winner. And here she is:
That’s right, it’s little Shiloh Nouvelle Jolie-Pitt! Congrats Shiloh… and be sure to look in your paypal account for the big ten dollar prize!
Stay tuned for more Bullets photo contests!
- Gum-popping mouth-breather Britney Spears followed up the moronic TV interview in which she tried to prove she wasn’t a hillbilly by posing nude, six months pregnant. The Bullets reached Britney’s non-in-utreo baby, little Sean Preston, for comment and he said, “That’s it. Man, as soon as I can reach the pedals on that fucking Big Wheel, I’m outta here.”
- Diminutive former SNL regular & Adam Sandler hanger-on Rob Schneider collapsed from a combination of food poisoning and heat exhaustion Wednesday. Rob was taken to a Northern California hospital, treated and released. When reached for comment, a spokesperson for Karma said, “Of course he got sick… didn’t you see The Animal????”
- Hugh Jackman sent a videotaped message to the Cine Expo international exhibitors conference in Amsterdam announcing that he will star in a spin-off of the X-Men films focusing on his character, Wolverine, to be released in 2007. The 6 people who still give a fuck after the last X-Men movie are reported to be “very excited.”
- Aparrently, Star Jones, Barbra Walters, Rosie O’Donnel, Katie Couric, Charles Gibson, Merideth Vierra, Joy Behar, and Elizabeth Hasselbeck all went after each other this week with chainsaws, machine guns, machetes, and rocket launchers. The Bullets has no word on who has or has not survived, as we don’t watch any of the crap they’re on, and really don’t care.
- Earlier this week, conservative radio talk show host & delusionally self-important gasbag Rush Limbaugh continued to be totally irrelevant.
- Academy award winner Kevin Kline will play King Lear in an upcoming production at the Public Theater in New York. Kline, famous for his work in such films as Grand Canyon, The January Man, and The Hunchback Of Notre Dame 2 DVD has said that he is looking forward to being on stage again, and the play will also provide a nice break from his busy schedule of keeping Phoebe Cates locked in a closet somewhere.
- In music news, that homeless guy we passed laying in the alley mumbling the lyrics to Mr. Brownstone wasn’t really Axl Rose after all. Turns out the actual Axl was in jail in Stockholm Sweden after biting a hotel security guard on the leg. Way to go, Axl… keep up the good work!
- Legendary rockers KISS have opened up a coffee house in Myrtle Beach. The coffe house will feature flavors like KISS Frozen Rockuccino & French KISS Vanilla, a full line of pastry items, scones, and biscotti, and roomy bathrooms with plenty of toilets for the band to flush the last vestiges of it’s self-respect down.
- Seminal punk band & riot grrrl icons Sleater-Kinney are breaking up after 11 ass-kicking years. First Bikini Kill, then 7 Year Bitch, and now this. At least we still have Bratmobile. On behalf of guys everywhere who are maybe just a little too old to be at girl punk band shows, The Bullets wishes to thank Sleater-Kinney for all the great tunes. Seriously, you girls fucking RAWK.
S-K: In Memorium – The girls performing “Jumpers” on Late Night With David Letterman.
Those are The Bullets for this week, kids. We’re off to have the holy living crap scared out us at a showing of An Inconvenient Truth. Woo Hoo!!!!! PARTY!!!!!!!!
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