We’re a happy family
We’re a happy family
We’re a happy family
The Thursday Night Bullet Points, Mom and Daddy
Siting here in Queens
Eating refried beans
We’re in all the magazines
Gulpin’ down thorazines
We ain’t got no friends
Our troubles never end
No Christmas cards to send
Daddy likes men
Daddy’s telling lies
Baby’s eating flies
Mommy’s on pills
Baby’s got the chills
I’m friends with the President
I’m friends with the Pope
We’re all making a fortune
Selling Daddy’s dope
- In TV land last night, Lost finally took the much anticipated step from vague & incomprehensible to complete gibberish. In a related story, J.J.Abrams was diagnosed with a rare mental disorder, Lucasiphrenia. The condition mainly affects writers, and is characterized by convincing everyone that you’ve got something all planned out, then just making it up as you go along.
- Still no word on the birth of Angelina Jolie & Brad pitt’s baby… but if you want to travel to Namibia, you have to have their permission. Soon you will also need letters of consent from them to adopt a baby, join the United nations, and make the exact same movie two or three times in a row. By the way, George Clooney says it’s still OK for you to go to Darfur.
- Apparently the rumored reunion of Cheech & Chong will not occur, according to Cheech himself. The Bullets was able to get ahold of Marin’s original statement on the matter, which was simply, “Tommy who?”
- Leonardo DiCapro’s upcoming flick Blood Diamond is generating some worry in the diamond industry, and they’re preparing to counteract any negative publicity that might arise. The film shows how illegal jewel mining helped fuel bloody civil wars in Africa. The Bullets confronted a spokesperson for the National Federation Of Jewelers with the allegations, and she said, “Yeah… but look how preeeeeetty!”
- Professional freak & all around whack-job Michael Jackson learned this week that the California Supreme Court refused to hear his appeal regarding his attempt to have the parental rights of his ex wife Debbie Rowe revoked. Rowe’s lawyer is “very gratified” with the decision, and says that he doubts Jackson will pursue the matter to the federal Supreme Court, as the court members might think that the corpse of William Rehnquist somehow rose from it’s grave, and perhaps meant them harm.
- Music legend Ian Copeland died this week. Copeland was widely regarded as the father of new Wave, discovering & producing a myriad of acts, including The Go-Go’s, The Bangles, REM, Squeeze, and The Police. The Bullets will miss you very much, Ian… and we forgive you for Shiny Happy People.
- Oscar winner Cate Blanchett will be playing Bob Dylan in an upcoming biopic. Well actually, she’ll be playing one of the “aspects of his personality” embodied in an androgynous singer named Jade. And just in case that isn’t quite gay enough, the film will also star Brokeback Mountain’s Heath Ledger & Michelle Williams, Richard Gere, and will be directed by the guy who made Velvet Goldmine.
- The Bullets beat our own record for American Idol Unawareness today, by remaining blissfully free from the knowledge of who the winner was until 1:30 PM, when we accidentally saw it on the front page of the newspaper. That’s 16.5 hours, BEEOTCHES. And we still have yet to see even a single second of the show. Let that be a lesson to the kids out there… it CAN be done.
- And speaking of beating your own record, this is Fleet Week, when over 4000 sailors & marines will flood New York City. The Bullets would like to take this opportunity to wish Christina Aguilera luck as she attempts to beat her own record from last year, 2,789. Remember, Christina… don’t swallow, and you won’t get full!
Woo hoo! Seven & a switchblade!
So what’s heaven to you?
Those are The Bullets for this week, kids. Time for us to exit, TERMINATOR X-it!
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