The Bullets will forgo it’s usual intro this week in favor of a brief commentary by guest correspondent Mr. T, who is NOT compensated by The Bullets, or by justusnerds.com in any way. Hey, when T says he wants to post, T gets to post, you dig? Take it away, T:
All right foo’s, listen up! Me bein’ a big Hollywood star and Comcast spokesman and everything I need to stay on top of all the this’s and the that’s about Hollywood and pop culture… but have you eva tried lookin’ stuff like that up on the internet box? I ain’t got time for all that jibba jabba! That’s why I start the day with a ten mile run, a big glass of orange juice with extra vitamin C, and JUSTUSNERDS.COM. They tell me all the stuff I gotsta know about all the stuff I gotsta know about. And they make me laugh. And they even gots a horoscope so’s I know what’s gonna happen every week. And it’s never wrong! So don’t be a foo’! Treat your Momma right! Say your milk! Eat your prayers! Drink your vitamins! And read justusnerds.com!
- So we were watching E! the other day (I know, I know… but we do it for you) and we saw a promo for E! News Daily in which Giuliana DePandi called herself GiuliANDA DePandi. We tried to reach her, to discuss just exactly how stupid one would have to be to mispronounce one’s own name, but when the phone rang she went to answer the door.
- Former child star and current violent, drunken ass-face Danny Bonaduce will appear in the first half of CSI’s two-part season premiere, airing Sept. 21st. The CSI gang finds Bonaduce’s partially decomposed carreer in a dumpster behind the Game Show Network, and sets out to find the killer.
- Critically acclaimed actor William Macy berated America’s bad girl/skin sweetheart Lindsay Lohan this week for her habit of showing up late for movie shoots. Macy went on to say “A lot of actors show up late as if they’re God’s gift to the film. It’s inexcusable.” Then he then complained about how complicated medicare’s new prescription drug programs were, yelled “Consarnit!” then fell and broke his hip.
- CBS’s reality show Survivor responed to criticism that the show isn’t racially diverse enough by racially segregating this season’s contestants. When The Bullets tried to reach Mark Burnett Productions for comment, we were refered to the company’s new Director of Human Resources, Mel Gibson.
- According to his publisher, Norman Mailer’s first new novel in ten years, The Castle In The Forest, will be released in January. A synopsis wasn’t available at Bullets press time, as the synopsis is over 1,000 pages, and no one here has finished reading it yet.
- Legendary crap producer & composer Andrew Lloyd Webber has a new target for his next musical, the classic Russian novel The Master and Margarita by Mikhail Bulgakov. The author, who died in 1940, was too busy spinning in his grave to comment.
- In other literary news, Britney Spear’s tell-all book Stages is now only sold in .99 cent stores. There will presumably be some sort of discount when you purchace the book with a bag of Fritos & some Tang.
- And finally, in Nerd birthday news, one of our heroes, Elvis Costello, turned 53 yesterday. Now go listen to my Aim Is True.
Those are The Bullets for this week, kids. We’re off to watch House re-runs & wish we had to walk with a cane, because that fuckin’ guy makes it look COOL AS HELL.
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