“It’s got a cop motor. A 440 cubic inch plant. It’s got cop tires, cop suspension, cop shocks. It’s a model made before catalytic converters so it’ll run good on regular gas. What do you say… is it the new The Bullets-mobile or what?”
“Fix the cigarette lighter.”
Guess what, kids! Yep, it’s that time again… we are pleased to announce our latest The Bullets T-Shirt Photo Contsest! First, take a picture of yourself wearing this t-shirt (which rules). Then email it to The Bullets at
thebullets.justusnerds@gmail.com.
As always, the best submission will be chosen by The Bullets staff, and will recieve TEN DOLLARS! So why are you just sitting there? Click, BABY!
- Dustin Diamond, the artist formerly known as Screech, was reportedly the victim of an attempted mugging outside his hotel in Omaha, NE. Diamond, who was in town performing at a local comedy club, told E! a rather convoluted tale of how a fan het met at the club tried to rob him of his take from the gig, and take his PSP. According to Omaha police, no charges have been filed. When The Bullets reached Diamond’s management for comment, they said, “Um, yeah… that probably didn’t happen… Hey, at least it wasn’t ‘aliens’ this time.”
- In an utterly shocking turn of events, former Baywatch star and current silicone dumping ground Carmen Elektra is filing for divorce from her husband, pierced-nipple-man & professional goatee-hanger Dave Navarro. The court documents cite “Irreconcilable differences.” The Bullets looked up the term in the most recent edition of the Webster’s New World Law Dictionary, and were surprised to find it defined as “Yeah, he’s been fucking Jenna Jameson.”
- CBS has announced that British actress and one-time Askewniverse denizen Claire Forlani will be joining the cast of CSI:NY for it’s upcoming 3rd season. This brings the total number of chicks The Bullets wouldn’t mind nailing on CSI shows up to 7, which is an all-time high, and also ties with the total number of chicks The Bullets wouldn’t mind nailing on Law & Order shows.
- The Bullets 5th favorite Friend Courtney Cox Arquette recently told Life magazine that she and husband David Arquette recently went through some marital problems, and worked them out in couple’s therapy. The Bullets happened to catch a showing of Airheads on cable last night, and we must say that we’re surprised she hasn’t bashed him in the face with Lisa Kudrow’s Emmy.
- Last Comic Standing has crowned it’s newest winner, comedy club veteran Josh Blue. Blue, who has cerebral palsy, beat out Ty Barnett for the honor in the show’s 4th season finale Wednesday night. However, in a Bullets exclusive, we have asked that the results be questioned, after our extensive investigation uncovered that roughly 85% of all votes cast for Blue were in fact called in by Geri, Blair’s cousin from Facts Of Life.
- According to our pals over at TMZ.com, actor John Gries, best known as Napolean Dynamite’s Uncle Rico, was arrested on Aug. 3rd after an alleged road-rage incident. The Bullets reached Gries’ management for comment, and a spokesman said, “Well, in John’s defense, the guy did hit his van with a grapefruit. John really gets sick of that.”
- And finally, in Nerd birthday news, talk show legend Mike Douglas turned 81 today. Um… then he died. We at The Bullets would like to say we have fond memories of watching you after school while we were growing up, back when an afternoon talk show didn’t have to contain transvestite Nazi hookers, or paternity test results. Hell, you introduced us to Frank Zappa. And you were a heck of a singer, too. We’ll miss you Mike.
Those are The Bullets for this week, kids. And remember… if you can’t be an athlete, be an athletic supporter!
Post a Comment