Circle of Destruction, hammer comes crushing
Powerhouse of energy
Whipping up a fury, dominating flurry
We create the Battery
Smashing through the boundaries, lunacy has found me
cannot stop the Battery
Pounding out aggression, turns into obsession
cannot kill the Battery
Cannot kill The Bullets
Battery is found in me
Battery!
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Hey Kids! The Bullets have moved into their cozy new digs here on Friday night. What? Up and move an entire pop culture phenomenon without even a warning? Yeah, that’s just how we roll. We’re rebels and we’re never ever gonna be any good.
The Bullets would like to announce the winner of our latest T-Shirt Photo Contest. As always we had lots of terrific entries, and judging was tight. But when the smoke cleared, there could really only be one winner:
That’s right, it’s legendary tenor Luciano Pavarotti, taking time during his busy farewell concert tour to give us a shout-out. Hey… if the man says he wants more cowbell, give the man more cowbell! Thanks again Luciano… and don’t forget to check your paypal account for the big $10.00 prize!
Stay tuned for more Bullets contests, right here!
- According to Variety, Bruce Willis & 20th Century Fox are back in the dead-horse beating business, and they plan to do a fourth installment in the only-the-first-one-was-any-good “Die Hard” franchise. Die Hard: Fuck, I Think I Broke My Hip is scheduled for a June 2007 release.
- Doug Feiger, lead singer for The Knack, underwent successful brain surgery yesterday. The 51 year old had two tumors removed, and is expected to make a full recovery. Details are sketchy, but apparently one of the tumors was the actual riff to “My Sharona”… so if that thing’s still in your head, you might want to see your doctor.
- Former SNL star & tiny little Elvis Rob Schneider slammed drunken menace Mel Gibson in an open letter he had published in Variety. Schneider vowed to never again work with Gibson, due to now-infamous anti-semitic comments Gibson made at the scene of his DUI arrest. A stunned hollywood replied, “Really? The Deuce Bigalow guy? He’s still around?”
- Speaking of Mel Gibson, some of his Hollywood pals are defending him, including his Maverick co-star Jodie Foster. Foster says she believes Gibson is “absolutely not” an anti-semite. When The Bullets reached Gibson for comment, he grunted “Fuck that fucking dyke”, took a swing at us, fell down, and puked in the gutter.
- Worthless waste of space Paris Hilton recently sat down with British GQ for an interview, during which she asked who Tony Blair was, then said that she wasn’t having sex for a year. “I’ll kiss,” she went on to say, “but nothing else.” Shortly after the interview, The Bullets was able to reach Paris for some carification, and she said, “And blowjobs. Oh, and people can still cum on me. But just in my face, not on my tits.”
- And it’s official. After 8 months of playing it coy, Jenny McCarthy has finally told People magazine that she & Jim Carrey are indeed dating. The Bullets sat down with the happy couple after the big announcement, and they said that they have no plans to wed, they’re just enjoying their status as Most Obnoxious Celebrity Couple. Then they started making stupid faces at each other, and annoying sounds, and making their assholes talk to each other, and eventually we just had to leave the room.
- And also in celebrity couple news, former Most Obnoxious Couple Peter Saarsgard & Maggie Gyllenhaal were snapped by photogs recently, and Maggie’s very pregnant. The Bullets would like to congratulate the pair on the upcoming birth of the smirk-iest baby in Hollywood.
- And finally, in Nerd birthday news, Percy Bysshe Shelley turns 214 today. Sure, he wound up being best known as the husband of the chick who wrote Frankenstein. Sure, he was really just kinda the Robin to Lord Byron’s Batman. But he wrote some kick ass poetry nonetheless. Check it:
‘Men of England, heirs of Glory,
Heroes of unwritten story,
Nurslings of one mighty Mother,
Hopes of her, and one another;
‘Rise like Lions after slumber
In unvanquishable number,
Shake your chains to earth like dew
Which in sleep had fallen on you -
Ye are many – they are few.
‘What is Freedom? – ye can tell
That which slavery is, too well -
For its very name has grown
To an echo of your own.
-Percy Bysshe Shelley-
from The Mask Of Anarchy
Well, those are The Bullets for this week, kids. We’re off to hoist a glass in honor of another Nerd Birthday… one of our own, Andy. Happy Birthday, dude.
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