Just Us Nerds

Veritas…

Lots & lots of people bugged me about going to see Mel Gibson’s The Passion Of the Christ when it came out. I mean lots of people. It even got a cool little shortening of it’s title. “Hey, have ya seen The Passion yet?” “What? You haven’t seen it?” “Well, what are you doing right now… because there’s a showing at 2:35, and I could take you to see it right now!” Stuff like that.

Consequently, I didn’t go. Not for any anti-religious reasons, really… more like anti-movie hype reasons. See, I kinda hafta to be careful with movie hype. An innocent iguana once died because of me getting caught up in the hype from the new Godzilla movie with Matthew Broderick (it’s a long story).

But The Passion was on Showtime last night, and I figured that since I was already paying for it, I guess the time had come for me to finally watch it. Hey, right before Easter, too. I guess that means it will be on TV every Easter. Like the way they play scary movies on Halloween, or the way you watch the Die Hard & Lethal Weapon double feature on Christmas (what, your family doesn’t do that?).

Anyway, Happy Easter, everyone. Here’s a partial list of some of the things I took from the movie.

• Ew! Jesus just stepped on a snake!
• I think Judas met a werewolf after he gave up Jesus, but it happened pretty fast & was kinda hard to see.
• Hey! You know those big tall tables & chairs in the bar at Chilli’s? Jesus invented those!
• The Sanhedrin kind of went door to door trying to have Jesus killed. Ya know, people don’t go door to door much these days… I guess if the movie were set in modern times, they would have set up a card table outside Target with a “Will you kill Jesus for us?” sign on it.
• Check out IMDB! Jesus was one of the F-18 pilots in The Rock! That movie RULES!
• You know, The Devil looks kinda looks like Sinead O’Conner… EW! Sinead O’Conner with a bug in her nose!!
• Wow. When you tell a Roman Centurion to whip someone… they really whip someone.
• These people were so jazzed about getting Jesus killed, they had Pilate release a character from a horror flick directed by Rob Zombie.
• Look! The Devil has a mini-me!
• I never knew Jesus was crucified with 2 dudes from a 90’s speed metal band.
• The crosses really would have looked much better in widescreen. Work on that for next year, Showtime.
• The Terminator music when Jesus walked out at the end was wicked cool.
• Jesus died for your sins, and it really looked like kind of a hassle, so if you believe in that kinda deal, you should probably go ahead and let him be your saviour and stuff. Otherwise it’d just be rude.