We are well into the summer blockbuster season, and it is clear that Hollywood is out of ideas. Every movie looks like another. We’ve got sequels, prequels, remakes and rehashes. Lets face it, Hollywood loves what Hollywood knows. That said, I have decided to come up with a few movie proposals of my own. Sure, they steal from existing movies, but at least they do it in new and exciting ways.
Title: Dead Drunk
High Concept: It’s Cocktail Meets Evil Dead
25 Words or Less: A jet set bartender pours drinks, beds rich women and battles the undead as he parties his way from the Bahamas to Manhattan.
Shyamalan Twist Ending: The bartender was undead the whole time!
Tagline: When he pours, he reins . . . zombies!
Title: A Beautiful Day Off
High Concept: It’s Ferris Bueller’s Day Off meets A Beautiful Mind
25 Words or Less: A schizophrenic genius and his two friends escape from a mental ward and roam Chicago, singing in parades and solving advanced math problems.
Shyamalan Twist Ending: His two friends are imaginary!
Tagline: You’ve got to be crazy not to take a day off!
Title: A Yard of Their Own
High Concept: It’s The Longest Yard meets A League of Their Own
25 Words or Less: When ace pitcher Candy Newton gets busted, she puts together a team to take on the guards in a no-holds-barred strip softball game.
Shyamalan Twist Ending: The pitcher and the warden are sisters!
Tagline: Whips, chains, gloves and balls!
Title: The Usual Americans
High Concept: It’s The Usual Suspects meets American Beauty
25 Words or Less: Five middle-aged men quit their jobs and pull off a series of crimes in order to impress a fifteen-year-old cheerleader.
Shyamalan Twist Ending: The cheerleader is really an Armenian mobster.
Tagline: Five men. One girl. Look closer.
Title: Terminal Bravery
High Concept: It’s The Terminator meets Braveheart
25 Words or Less: A soldier from the distant future goes back in time to stop a cyborg from leading rogue Scottish clans to victory against England.
Shyamalan Twist Ending: The cyborg was built by Scotsmen!
Tagline: No pain. No fear. Just Freedom.
Title: Another Sunrise
High Concept: It’s Before Sunrise meets Groundhog Day
25 Words or Less: A young man and woman are forced to repeat the same romantic night in Vienna over and over again.
Shyamalan Twist Ending: When they finally reach the next day, the woman gets hit by a train and dies.
Tagline: They had one night to fall in love, again and again!
Title: The Short Line
High Concept: It’s The Station Agent meets Walk the Line meets The Crying Game
25 Words or Less: A midget rockabilly guitarist inherits a deserted train station where he learns about life, love, and hot dogs from the ghost of June Carter Cash.
Shyamalan Twist Ending: The ghost turns out to be Jerry Lee Lewis in drag!
Tagline: Sing at your own risk!
Title: Dark Nemo
High Concept: It’s Finding Nemo meets Donnie Darko
25 Words or Less: After narrowly escaping a bizarre boating accident, a troubled teenager is plagued by visions of a nervous clownfish that manipulates him into swimming to Australia.
Shyamalan Twist Ending: The clown fish is actually a fellow classmate on a chum run!
Tagline: Life is one big insane ocean. Some people just swim better.
Quickdog | 14-Jul-06 at 10:27 am | Permalink
“A Yard of Their Own” sounds like something we might have seen in high school in the 80’s during the height of the teen sex comedy genre!!
J.C. | 14-Jul-06 at 11:24 am | Permalink
Yes, it does have eighties sex comedy written all over it. Low budget, low brow, high-box office.