Just Us Nerds

1. K.I.T.T. – Knight Rider
That’s the Knight Industries Two Thousand for the uninitiated. Oh sure, even if your Trans-Am does go 300 MPH, lauch rockets, and blast flamethrowers at your enemies, I bet it won’t try to talk you out of going on a date it knows will be a disaster. Well K.I.T.T. will. And he’s only gonna say “I told you so” a few dozen times. This is the ultimate badass TV vehicle, all alone at the top of the heap. Well, unless you count his evil twin K.A.R.R…

2. Dragula – The Munsters
Did Rob Zombie ever write a song about your car? yeah… didn’t think so. Grandpa’s wicked-ass coffin on wheels was designed & built by the legendary car customizer George Barris, and featured a mustang engine with 350 horses, dual 4 barrel carburetors, a Ram-thrust MT manifold, and bat-shaped forced-air scoops. It went from 0-180 MPH in about 6 seconds flat, and was the hottest thing in or out of the cemetary. Lots of people say they’re gonna be burried in their cars… but Dragula could actually deliver.

3. The A-Team Van – The A-Team
A 1983 GMC G-Series Van. 350 horses, customized with quad headlight conversion, full front brushbar, fog/driving lights, exterior sun visor, quad square exhaust tips (each side in front of rear wheels), a custom-made rear wing, and just as much Bad Attitude as it’s driver. And check out the paint job… nice, huh? yeah, A-Team bad guys are notoriously lousy shots, so even with 20 of them firing machine guns & rocket launchers… not a scratch, baby. Now Murdock, you crazy foo, back up offa my ride!

4. Airwolf – Airwolf
With all appologies to Roy Scheider, fuck Blue Thunder. You want a badass helicopter, you can’t beat Airwolf. Invisible to radar, armored like a tank, with turbo-boost, and the ability to fly upside down & even into the stratosphere (try that in your lame-ass Island Hoppers chopper, T.C.) Airwolf had blazing machine guns that could rip it’s prey to shreds, and a belly missle pod chock full of lethal, heat-seeking goodies. This is truly the only way to fly. Plus, it comes with Ernest Borgnine as it’s mechanic. Who doesn’t love ernest Borgnine??? Just watch out for it’s evil twin, Redwolf, or it’s your ass, baby.

5. The Batmobile – Batman
It started life as a 1955 Ford Lincoln Futura concept car… but in the hands of George Barris, it was transformed into one of the most badass TV vehicles ever. It’s been redone a bunch of times for various movie franchise incarnations… but none of them have captured how visceral the TV Batmobile is. Maybe it’s the double-bubble windshield, or the flames coming out the back, or the fact that it actually looks like a fucking bat… but this is the one that you think of first, screaming out of the Batcave, over that little drop-down barricade, spewing dust & weeds as it hits the highway. It was bristling with Batman’s weapons, fire & theft deterent systems, it even laid down oil to make you spin out. And it had a siren & a flashing red light on top. Yeah. Like you wouldn’t get out of the way!

6. The General Lee – The Dukes Of Hazzard
69 Dodge Charger R/T. 426 Hemi, with an Eldebrock torquer intake. Headers with 3″ exhausts. A four-barrel Holly 780 Double-Pumper carb. Full roll-cage. 12 note customized “Dixie” horn. This fastest, the meanest, and the highest-flying car in all of Hazzard County, or anywhere. Yeah. You want one, don’t even try and say you don’t. And don’t think just because your doors don’t open either that counts.

7. Jill’s ‘76 Mustang Cobra II – Charlie’s Angels
Jill Munroe proved it… blondes really do have more fun. The factory specs on this car say it’s got about 130 horses… but you just know our favorite angel had some major mods under that hood. Why with just an Edelbrock 7121 Performer RPM four barrel intake manifold, and a competition four-barrel carb you’d more than double her horses to about 300. And let’s not forget it was also driven by Jill’s hottie little sister Kris. And just so it was as gorgeous as it’s drivers, this baby also featured Shelby-inspired side stripes, hood scoop, and Cobra emblems. And Sabrina drove a Pinto. Which one would you date? Yeah, that’s what we thought.

8. B.J. McKay’s Truck – B.J. & The Bear
A 1979 Kenworth K100 Aerodyne, with a 400HP Cummins engine, an 8 bag air-ride suspension, a 12,000 lb front axle, dual 13′ 4″ high chrome stacks, and an air-slide fifth wheel. And inside, a diamond tuft interior package, and all the comforts of home for both man and monkey. This bad mother trucker never slowed down, even after smashing through multiple billboards. Good luck, Sherrif Lobo!

9. The Coyote – Hardcastle & McCormick
A custom manta, The Coyote car was powered with a small block Chevrolet V-8 engine mounted on a custom, heavy-duty chassis. It was wicked looking, and even more wicked acting, able to burn rubber at up to 180 mph in a straight line. Just remember that the next time you think you’ve beaten the rap in Hardcastle’s courtroom, baby.

10. Columbo’s 1960 Peugeot 403 – Columbo
OK, so you’re asking about Rockford’s Firebird, or Banacek’s Javelin, or maybe even Starsky & Hutch’s Gran Torino. Well, we’ve given number 10 to The Lieutenant. 89.5 cu in engine, 1468 ccs, 58 hp at 4900 rpm, and a top speed of 80 MPH. Sure, there are more technically badass vehicles out there in TV land. But no car has ever spewed more smoke, spent more time on the side of the road, knocked over more trash cans, or rear-ended more police cruisers and STILL managed to help solve so many crimes. And just one more thing… they’re beeyooteeful cars, ma’am.

And, honorable mention goes to… The Batgirl Cycle! That’s no tricycle, citizens!