OK, this miserable, hot, lame-ass summer has dragged on long enough for there to be some official items associated with it, so here they are. And as always, if you think I’m full of shit & you have a better one, tell me to blow it out my ass and post it. Ready? OK!
- Official Kick-Ass song: The Ramones – Rockaway Beach
- Official whiny, pussy, pony-tail man song: Don Henley – The Boys Of Summer (also the shitty cover by blink charlotte fire inside 41)
- Official better Corey Hart song to sing than Sunglasses At Night: Never Surrender
- Official Summer Blockbuster: Pirates 2
- Official drink: Hurricane, on the rocks (it’s BLUE!)
- Offical non-alcoholic drink: The Shirley Temple
- Official sports drink: Gatorade Fierce, Grape
- Official gross thing to step on barefoot: Snail
- Official fruit: The plum/Simon Cowell (tie)
- Official sandwich: Egg salad
- Offical Spider-Man villain: Black Cat
- Offical Japanese Anime: Wolf’s Rain
- Official suck-ass 80’s Christian metal band: Stryper
- Official reason to be pissed-off at your girlfriend/boyfriend/spouse: They made you late to Superman Returns, so you missed the Spider-Man 3 trailer, AND you had to sit all the way to one side by that nasty-ass curtain over the wall (who the fuck even knows when the last time they cleaned that fucking thing is)
- Offical pregnant hillbilly white trash gum popper: Britney Spears
- Official Curmudgeon: Andy Rooney
- Official Cool Guy: Still George Clooney
- Official comic: Sarah Silverman (fuck Dane Cook)
- Official head accessory: The visor (preferably turned backwards)
- Official ubiquitous jerk-off political talking head (with bowtie): Tucker Carlson
- Official ubiquitous jerk-off political talking head (without bowtie): Joe Scarborough
- Official ubiquitous jerk-off political talking head (without flesh on his skull): Alan Colmes
- Official TV network who’s name you can also chant: USA
- Official cool rock chick (straight): Chrissie Hynde
- Official cool rock chick (probably not straight): Joan Jett
- Official gum flavor: Still Hubba Bubba Grape
- Official shoes: Converse hi-tops (preferably black with flames on them)
- Official tree: The larch
- Official reality show: Big Brother All-Stars
- Official ATM button: “Clear”
- Official sunglasses: Terminator wrap-arounds
- Official ice cream flavor: Vanilla, motherfuckers, just PLAIN VANILLA!
- Official greeting: “How’s it hangin’?”
- Official goodbye: “Ni night, buttpies!”
J.C. | 03-Jul-06 at 5:34 pm | Permalink
I can live with most of the officials, but the Rueben, as great a sandwich as it is. suits winter or fall more than summer. I’m gonna have to go with egg salad.
Oh, and the official not as cool as I thought it would be job: Taking Nude Pictures of Brittney Spears.
Steve | 03-Jul-06 at 5:46 pm | Permalink
Oooooh, you\’re right… and the Grape Fierce Gatorade reeeeally washes an egg salad sandwich down to a tee. Revising the official summer 2006 sandwich. Good call!