Just Us Nerds

Summer is here. TV sucks. The movies are all sequels or remakes. It’s damned hot outside. The sun is up before I go to bed. I just wanted to get all of that off my chest. Here’s the latest scoop:

• In an apparent effort to convince judges that Charlie Sheen is only a slightly bigger loser than she is, Denise Richards hosted a Pussycat Dolls burlesque show in Las Vegas. She may also be getting engaged to Richie Sambora. You have a long way to go to top Charlie, but it is a good start babe.
• Dustin (Screech) Diamond, our TV friend, is losing his $2,000,000 home. In an attempt to save it, he is hawking t-shirts, or as he calls them “Dshirts”. I can’t buy one because I’m fat as a house and the sizes only go up so far. Also, I don’t really feel like saving a guy’s home when I live in an apartment. Also, he really isn’t a TV friend; he annoyed the bejeezus out of me. But hey, blogging is free, so I’ll do that much for him.
• People Magazine named Taylor Hicks the hottest bachelor of 2006. I’m beginning to think the gray hair fooled them into believing he was George Clooney.
• It looks like Ben Affleck might be the next person to climb aboard the remake of a crappy eighties show merry-go-round and star in the big screen version of Magnum PI. Once again, our long awaited big screen ALF sits on the sidelines waiting for the love.
• Aaron Spelling has suffered a stroke. They say he is OK, but they always say that so I’m simply going to hope for the best. Yes, some of his shows were crap, but try to imagine the last thirty years of television without him: Charmed, 7th Heaven, Beverly Hills, 90210, Burke’s Law, Melrose Place, Hotel, T.J. Hooker, Dynasty, Hart to Hart, Vega$, The Love Boat, Fantasy Island, Charlie’s Angels, Family, The Rookies, Starsky and Hutch. That is a lot of TV my friends, and some of it didn’t suck too much. Let’s hope Mr. Spelling is really OK.
• Eighties annoyances Corey Feldman and Corey Haim, are creating a new faux reality show that will star the two of them playing themselves and getting into loads of wacky misadventures. I’m scared. Is anybody else scared? This has got to be a sign of the apocalypse. Bad TV? You’re soaking in it.
• Matt Damon is the latest dupe being pawned off as the new Captain Kirk. Apparently, he has William Shatner’s blessing. That would be great news, if only I trusted William Shatner’s taste. Please, oh please, put Ryan Reynolds in the roll. If you must have a kirk, he is the only choice that makes sense.
• Superman wanted me to let everyone know that he is not gay. He and Aquaman are just good friends. “How can I be gay?” he asked, “I don’t even have a sidekick!”