Things were so barren here at JUN, that when the Emmy nominations came out I actually posted my response on PoeWar, but now that we’re up and running again, I’ll do the wrap up here where they belong, and with 75% more sassmouth.
Freakin Best Drama: In JCland, The Shield (not nominated) once again walked away with top honors, but in crap-assed Hollywood the used up old whore that was the Sopranos walked away with the top prize. Congratulations. In your honor I will observe a moment of silence. No wait, I already went through that. As Tony would say, nice ending fuck-for-brains.
Best Actor: in JCland Michael Chiklis (not nominated) walked away with this, but in Hollywood, James Spader had to waddle up on the stage to accept his prize. Yeah, he’s pretty good on that lousy show, but of any of the nominees, Hugh Laurie ought to have got it just for the scene where he lay in his own vomit. Now that’s acting!
Best Actress in a Drama: Yeah, big Hollywood Sally Field got it. In her honor Fox TV observed a moment of silence. That network has some Goddamn class!
Best Supporting Actor in a Drama Series: Apparently the Emmies were still watching the 2005 Lost, because they gave it to Terry O’Quinn who should have been counted in the Guest Actor slot this year. What did he get, two shows out of 22? Michael Emerson’s bug eyes should have won. I would have loved to hear their acceptance speech.
Best Supporting Actress in a Drama Series: Katherine Heigl is smokin’ hot. I can live with this one.
Best Comedy Series: My pick, anything BUT Ugly Betty, won. Hmmmm, Butt Ugly Betty, now that would have been an even BETTER name for the show.
Best Actor in a Comedy Series: Ricky Gervais? That no talent hack? When, oh when will they recognize Charlie Sheen’s awesome comedic timing?
Best Actress in a Comedy Series: They gave it to America Ferrara, who in a bold move sent up a drag queen to accept the award for her. Way to recognize the little people America!
Best Supporting Actor in a Comedy Series: Jeremy Piven won! And he stayed in character by acting like a total a-hole when he accepted the award. Suck it India!
Best Supporting Actress in a Comedy Series: Jaime Pressly won, and she was nice enough to bring her twins up when she accepted. I couldn’t have been happier for them.
Best Variety, Music, or Comedy Series: The Daily Show! Awesome! Suck it Colbert!!!
Everything Else: Tony Bennett and Robert Duvall. Coincidentally, they’re gonna team up as buddy cops next year! Look for Blue Steel and Blue Veins to sweep the 2009 Emmies!
Now it’s time for me to give out some awards:
Best imitation of a straight guy imitating a gay guy imitating a straight guy: Ryan Seacrest
Best Musical Performance that had next to nothing to do with the TV show it paid tribute to: I’m looking at you Jersey Boys!
Best Dick Move: Cutting Duvall off to talk to the blogger. Hey’ I’m a blogger and I wouldn’t even do that!
Best Kanye West Impersonation: Kanye West. He’s perfected the act!
Best inappropriate Shot of a Guy in the Audience: Was that a far too lingering shot of Tom Selleck during the Soprano’s tribute? It sure was!
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