Dane Cook, Superstar

Yes, dane, we all see your penis.  yes, Dane, it's very nice.OK, I’ve been a fan of Dane Cook’s for awhile now. Before his multi-platinum album. Before his host gig on SNL. Before his mighty, rock star-like breakthrough. His old school Comedy Central Presents set is one of the funniest purely physical stand-up routines I’ve ever seen, better even than Jim Carrey’s early manic sets, hell, even as funny as Michael Richard’s physical comedy. But I’ve been watching him become more and more impressed with himself lately, and I’ve gotta step up to this balloon with a pin.

During the opening few minutes of the first episode of Cook’s highly anticipated new HBO show Tourgasm, his rock star mojo was pulsing way outta control. I can’t remember the speech verbatim, but he states in no uncertain terms that this show is a first… the first time 4 comics have gotten together and toured not like comedians, but like rock stars, and the ensuing adventures filmed for all to see. And that really irked the shit outta me.

Dane, behold: The Comedians Of Comedy. A couple years back, Patton Oswalt, Brian Posehn, Zach Galifinakis, and Maria Bamford hopped in a winebago (not a pussy-fied cushy tour bus, a fucking winebago) and went on a tour of rock clubs, not comedy clubs, and the ensuing adventures were filmed for both a fascinating documentary film, and a riotously funny Comedy Central mini-series. The route you and your buddies are taking has already been well traveled, Dane, by comics who have honed their craft to a much more razor-sharp edge than yours.

And another thing, Dane. The comics you’ve picked to go on tour with you? I dunno… I’m sure it’s nice to say that you’re giving some of your old pals in the biz a break and getting them exposure and all… but I can’t shake the feeling that you picked them because they just aren’t all that funny. Certainly not as funny as you. I think you just didn’t want anyone stealing your spotlight… and mission accomplished, as I seriously doubt anyone will remember their names in your wake. The gang on The Comedians Of Comedy tour were all friends, all started out in the biz together… but are all equally funny. They shared the spotlight, and it made for much more interesting, compelling viewing.

You’re funny, Dane. You really are a good comic… in time you could even become a great one. I can’t help but think that with the direction you’re moving, maybe Tourgasm 2 will be just you, flying around in your private jet, checking your hair in every handy reflective surface, taking off your shirt alot, and strutting like Mick Jagger. And it will be funny. But not in the way you’ll think it’s funny. And some of us will even be a little sad.

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