Just Us Nerds

We got our shit together to sit down and do a really good post about what’s been happening everywhere for the last few days. But there’s no way in hell we coulda said it any better than our old buddy Joss Whedon, so we’ll just let him take point on this one. Cue Tom Petty’s Won’t Back Down, please…

A Message From WGA & DGA member Joss Whedon.

• BTW… “Fair is fair!” is from the 1985 Delphi III Productions release The Legend Of Billie Jean. Which was written by WGA members Lawrence Konner and Mark Rosenthal, directed by DGA member Matthew Robbins, and starred SAG member, and one of our favorites, the ever-enchanting Helen Slater.

Time for another WGA strike update. First off: The Weinstein Company, MRC, and Spyglass Entertainment have each signed interim agreements, joining the ever-expanding list of independent production companies who have been able to negotiate a fair deal with the WGA.

That’s excellent. But let’s get to the really big news: That’s right kids… we’re in a MEDIA BLACKOUT! The Director’s Guild started up formal negotiations with the AMPTP on Saturday, and we won’t hear anything official until the deal is done. Or not done. But there is a glimmer of hope here. The way we see it, the Big 6 can use this as an out, and end this ugly strike before the Oscars get cancelled and they really take a bath. The studios can negotiate a fair deal with the DGA, then say, “See? If the petulant writers hadn’t gone on strike, they could have had this deal a long time ago and saved everyone all this misery.” As far as the WGA strike captains are concerned, that’s fine with them. They just want a fair shake, a fair deal, and for everyone to get back to work.

Traditionally, DGA negotiations with the studios go pretty smoothly. They did go on strike once… for all of 5 minutes. The fact that it’s been 5 days could mean that they’re playing a little hardball, which is a good sign. All rumours point to the fact that the reason the deal wasn’t done in 5 minutes this time is that the DGA is unhappy with the AMPTP’s offer regarding internet residuals. This is very important, because in pattern bargaining, the template for how the entertainment industry does business with it’s myriad unions, if the DGA gets a good deal, the WGA, SAG, and everyone else involved will get a similar deal.

There’s some snarking to be done here about how the DGA doesn’t usually play hardall, and has a tendency to sacrifice residuals for up-front money… but we’re actually going to refrain from snarking tonight. With the announcement that all 6 major congloms are hooked up with the new Apple deal, hopefully the DGA gets just how important any contract for new media residuals will be, not only to them, but to all the other unions involved.

As our fearless nerd leader J.C. noted over on poewar.com, we are on the verge of an entirely new era in entertainment distribution. Much like we were when the WGA last went on strike 20 years ago, back when the producers said that they didn’t know for sure that this whole cockamamy home video fad would ever really catch on.

And so, we’re not going to snark tonight. Much. We’re just going to hold our breath, and hope for the best, while still expecting the worst. Just like an entire industry that would like to get back to work is doing.

In the meantime, still looking for a way to show your support? Worried that the striking writers might not be getting enough to eat on the picket lines?

• Hint: they’ve been out of work for awhile… they’re not.

Well, daaaaaahlings… WGA member, SAG member, and certified cutie-pie/hottie-boom-a-lottie Nia Vardalos can help.

As reported on unitedhollywood.com this week, Nia’s been been buying lunch for picketers once a week at all gates of various studios. If you’d care to join her, all you need to do is email Marianne at mariannetitiriga [at symbol] aol [dot] com. They say that $140 to $160 can provide enough grub to feed an entire gate picket. We did the math on that (even though we were told there would be no math) and that comes out to 8 people kicking in about 20 bucks. If you’re truly a nerd, like we are, you can certainly find 7 other people who like the stuff you like enough to be willing to do this.

And you get to specify which studio picket lines you want to feed. Do ya like Big Blue? Then round up your Smallville posse and send lunch to the picketers at Warners. If you and your pals are Whedonites, then land Serenity, get your Scooby Gang together, and send some chow to the Fox pickets. Hey all you Trekkers… let’s beam some pizza over to the Paramount gates. Do you have a Battlestar Galactica study group? Or maybe you just miss Heroes, or 30 Rock. Then send some food to the NBC pickets, like we are. Just think… with the actor & showrunner support the strike’s been getting, next week Katee Sackhoff, or Hayden Panettiere, or Tina Fey could be putting a 12-inch Subway BMT that you bought in their mouths!!!! Talk about a Letter to Penthouse Forum…

But, all traditional Bullets sexually-based inuendo aside, this is an excellent, easy, and very tangible way to show some support. The writers will most assuredly appreciate it. Aside form just feeding them, it’ll help to keep their spirits up, by letting them know that, as fans, we’re out here thinking about them, and hoping that they can get back to work with a fair deal soon.

This is an Action Alert, gang. Put your money where their mouths are!

Thanks, Bullets fans! And be sure to watch this space… more updates to come.

• BTW… “Fair is fair!” is from the 1985 Delphi III Productions release The Legend Of Billie Jean. Which was written by WGA members Lawrence Konner and Mark Rosenthal, directed by DGA member Matthew Robbins, and starred SAG member, and one of our favorites, the ever-enchanting Helen Slater.

Google has finally seen fit to rank our site. The home page is a four-out-of-ten. For those of you who know about such things, that places us dead even with most debt consolidation sites. We figure this isn’t too bad a rank for a four-month-old site with no advertising and a morbid fascination with pop culture. Last I checked, we were the only site on the Internet about pop culture, but I’m sure it will catch on. Remember, shop smart, shop Just Us Nerds. Oh, thats right . . . we have nothing worth selling. Well, carry on then.

After four months, the folks at mensfacts.com have yet to pony up with any “facts”. They want you to give you their address and vital statistics so they can send you some “facts”. If they really cared about you, wouldn’t they just post the “facts” on their web site? Well, we care about you, so once again we are providing you with some important men’s facts. Be sure to check out our first and second list of facts.

• Married men or more likely to check the labels on food than unmarried men. (AP-Ipsos poll)
• Men are more likely to be satisfied with their homes than women are. (Harris survey)
• Men are more likely to have established rainy day accounts than women. (Bankrate.com)
• Men are nearly twice as likely to cheat on college assignments than female students. (Times Higher Education Supplement)
• Men are more likely to negotiate their salary than women. (Women Don’t Ask: Negotiation and the Gender Divide)
• Men are more likely to support “right-to-die” laws for terminally ill patients. (Gallup Poll)
• Men are more likely than women to work while on vacation. (CareerBuilder.com survey)
• Men are more likely to live with their parents than women. (Parship.com)
• Men are less likely to admit suffering from stage fright than women because they think they are better at public speaking. (Sheffield Hallam University)
• Men are less likely to get a routine check-up or see a doctor when ill. (Penn State)
• Men are less likely to use sunscreen than women. (NHS Scotland)

As you all know, we nerds are hooked on David Hasselhoff. We’ve been watching him forever, we remember him as Dr. Snapper Foster on Young and the Restless, as Michael Knight on Knight Rider and as Mitch Buchannon on the many and varied incarnations of Baywatch (Baywatch Nights was my favorite). Well, ever since we featured him back in April he has been on fire. We don’t want to take all the credit (some of it belongs to The Hoff himself) but obviously the power we wield here at Just Us Nerds is awesome. We felt it was time to update you on the many amazing developments that have come up as a result of our support.

• David Hasselhoff has burst back onto the scene as the star of the comedy Click. We hear Adam Sandler and Christopher Walken are in it too. It must be inspiring for them to work with someone of David’s stature.
• David Hasselhoff recently had to have surgery on a severed tendon in his arm. Despite more mundane reports, we believe that the chandelier was so taken by the power of his handsomeness that it burst apart in an attempt to shower him with love. Unfortunately, all the chandelier had to offer was glass.
• David Hasselhoff is going to make a musical filled with his songs and talent. I’m sure it will sell out, especially in Ireland.
• David Hasselhoff bust into tears when Taylor Hicks won on American Idol. I think we all cried a little that day.
• David Hasselhoff has become the most searched for and downloaded man on the Internet. This is further proof of our enormous influence
• David Hasselhoff is of course hosting the summer sensation Americas Got Talent. We sure do have talent. Take that Al-Qaeda!

As you can see, the Nerd Effect is growing. Soon we will be all powerful and totally full of ourselves, selling out and annoying everyone in sight. We can’t wait!

That’s right, we’re socially networking online. So forget all the sexual predators… check out our brand spanking new MySpace page: Just Us Nerds. The page is still kinda under construction… we haven’t even started listing data about all the stuff we like yet. But you can catch a video from both J.C.’s & my recent top covers lists there. There will be more fun stuff there too. Soon.

In the meantime, here’s Demetri Martin’s recent (and brilliant) Trendspotting piece on MySpace from The D.S.

OBEY THE HYPNO-TOAD! VISIT OUR MYSPACE PAGE!!!

Wow, the end of the Television Season has come and I for one am sad to see it go. I’ll miss my TV friends over the summer, and will do my best to make do with reality — in show form.

• Just to kick the dead horse that is the Everwood cancellation one more time, I would like you to note the final official ratings report for the 2005-2006 season. Critically acclaimed Everwood finished with an average of 3.6 million viewers. Critically despised One Tree Hill finished with an average of 2.8 million viewers. Both of those shows clobbered Veronica Mars, which finished with an average of 2.3 million viewers.
• A French version of The Office is failing to find attract French viewers or critics. Apparently, they have no idea that the boss is acting inappropriately.
• GSN is making a documentary about Who Wants to Be a Millionaire. I hope they include the part where WWBM goes on a drunken bender and wrecks his Porsche outside of Palm Springs. I also want to see some coverage of WWBM’s two illegitimate children and his affair with Meg Ryan.
• NBC is planning on airing a web version of Last Comic Standing filled with comedians who fell short of making the network cut. That makes it official – the Internet is the new UHF.
• Our TV Friend David Hasselhoff has signed on as a judge for the summer faux American Idol show, America’s Got Talent. He will also appear in the new Adam Sandler Bruce Almighty knockoff Click. It’s good to see the handsomest man in show biz getting work. Someday, maybe he’ll even get a gig worth watching.
• In baseball news, not only are my Arizona Diamondbacks leading their division, but that division is officially the toughest in baseball. Every single team is above .500. You can quit criticizing the NL West now people, because they are back.
• Brad Garrett, there to promote his new sitcom ‘Til Death, shocked the crowd at the Fox network upfronts with an obscene stand-up performance that constantly insulted the FOX network and its “stars”. The crowd of media and advertising executives gasped at some of his jokes, which he aggressively shouted at them without a hint or remorse of acknowledgement of their aversion. You know, I’ve never liked Brad Garrett – until now.
• David Milch, the creator of Deadwood is hoping to save the show by finding a corporate partner for a casino or perhaps an amusement park. I for one can’t wait to go on Mr. Swearengen’s Obscenity Filled Ride.

I just finished my final college paper tonight. I do believe I have managed to get my Master’s Degree while carrying a perfect 4.0 average. I’m a little worn out, so forgive me if the wisecracks aren’t that wise, but you’ve got to feed the Blog Monster or it gets cranky.

• David Blaine failed in his attempt to hold his breath for nine minutes, and he appears to have liver damage from living underwater for nine days. As a result of his crushing defeat, I now hate him 7% less than I did before. In a stunning turnaround, I now hate him less than The Amazing Jonathan and David Copperfield. I never thought I would get the chance to say that.
• CSI surprised the hell out of me this week. They had three, count ‘em three guest stars I had heard of and none of them were the killer. In your face MONK!
• Conan O’Brien is spending a week in Chicago. No word on if he’s going apartment hunting with Vince Vaughn.
• The Weinsteins are backing the new Knight Rider movie. You know what this means? 45% chance of a cameo for Jay and Silent Bob!
• 7th Heaven is over. You can now go about your business people. Back to work everybody!
• Tina Yothers of Family Ties fame is going to appear on the next Celebrity Fit Club. I thought about doing one of my famous quotes blogs for her, but she has never said anything worth repeating.
• It turns out that Reno 911 is a big hit in Iraq. The only problem is that they think it’s a drama. I’d like to make a joke here about how that’s true, but Reno 911 is damned funny, and I just can’t bring myself to do it. They rock.
• It looks like the CW network is willing to spend $20 million dollars to cancel Reba a year early. Thank you CW, thank you.
• C-Span forced YouTube to pull the Stephen Colbert Address to the Washington Press and then handed the rights over to Google. That makes it official, there are no human beings left in Washington DC, just rats.
• Last week’s episode of South Park, in which Cartman was tamed by a The Dog Whisperer, was damned funny. I laughed my ass off. Thank You Parker and Stone for delivering at least one gasping-for-breath funny episode this season. It reminded me of why I still watch you guys.
• That House two-parter made me miss last week’s Scrubs. Sorry that you had to have your breakdown without me Dr. Cox, but if it was anything like Hawkeye’s breakdown on M*A*S*H, I feel for you buddy.

If you haven’t visited superdickery.com, you’ve got to go. Superman may stand for Truth, Justice and the American Way, but along the way he is more than happy to:

Burn Jimmy’s Father’s Day Gift

Throw Jimmy in the Nuthatch

Trash a School Room

Throw his Parents in Jail

Kill Lois

Kill Batman

Kill Batman Again

Kill the Legion of Superheros

Kill the Teen Titans

And of Course Kill Lois Again

But then, no matter how bad Superman gets, he still can’t hold a candle to Batman

In an effort to sell more pills, I assume, the good people at Bayer Pharmaceuticals Corporation / GlaxoSmithKline and Schering Corporation have created a lovely scare site called mensfacts.com. If you are willing to tell them your name and all your vital information (which I’m sure they won’t use for nefarious purposes) they will send you a fact kit. After all, why waste a web site simply providing the information when you can build up your mailing list instead. Well, in an effort to provide you with free facts for men, I can tell you some important information I’ve learned through the great teacher that is pop culture:

The rose goes in the front, big guy
Weebles merely wobble, they do not fall down
Any man can open a door for a girl, but opening two in a row, that’s a neat trick
Don’t be too hard on the Beaver
Never try to take away another man’s gusto
Get the one with the pivoting head
Fat, drunk and stupid is no way to go through life
Be the ball
Beetles are bugs and cars, The Beatles are a rock band
Every girl is crazy about a sharp dressed man
Mail-in rebates are a total scam
If your tequila is made by someone named Don, you are good to go
Scrambled eggs are the easiest to make and you can mix in just about anything
There is no sex in the champagne room
The truth is out there