The Spammies
I admire the hardworking people who attempt to get by my spam filter. They say some of the dandiest things, and they make me feel better about my life by showing me just how much lower it is possible to sink. So, without further ado, here are this week’s Top Spam Quotes, or as I like to call them, The Spammies:
Best Heartful Plea
I come to you with due respect and equally with heartful of tears and since we have not known or met ourselves previously.
Miss Vinna Johnson
Miss Vinna, I heartful you right back.
Best Title
Your future, mound maker
Eddie Chu
Your psychic powers are clear, Eddie.
Most Reassuring
This is most modern and safe way not to cover with shame
Rupert Crane
Thank god, my previous not to cover with shame methods had been so risky.
Most Presumptive
You are a businessman and have no time for a long sexual stimulation
Winston
I’m willing to make time for that Winston.
Best Justification for Sending me Millions of Dollars
Am helping you on this because something in me is tells me that you are an honest person.
Revd. Fr. Thomas Douglas
What, did my email address have an honest ring to it?
Least Confident Approach
What IS 0EM Software And Why D0 You Care?
Ian Nelson
Ian, your poor self image may be interfering with your profits. I’m just saying…
Most Literary
Gathering up the little courage he had left, trying desperately to summon exactly the right note of sharp and yet almost casual irritability, he said: “And you might as well stop that. It’s not you that needs the Novril; you’re feeding it to the monkey. “Right now I need the sugar. Two in May. They were empty because Misery had — – escaped? Maybe the rest of you forgot what happened last week, but the stone idol never forgets. He heard a light shuffle-scuffle and looked quickly in the corner, expecting to see the trooper crawling toward him, one brown eye peering from the hash of his face.
Hunter Barber
You had me at monkey, Hunter.
Most like a Haiku
We give it to you again as a gift.
How many times have you seen issues explode but you couldn’t get your hands on them?
Will it go crazy tomorrow morning?
Oscar Davenport
Zen and the Art of Spam?
Best Gibberish
attrition be garage in gatlinburg the stable and ecstatic in parlance ! bellum the credent some springboard the churchgoer or cornell see comic not forgetting the huff see schweitzer may beneath in breezy it’s gloat the dominican see cantonese some terry see herself be reeve and anthropomorphic see hermite or rydberg , heretic or brillouin and briggs on ambassador it cheer a pursuant some dear!
Ahmed Hightower
Try saying that three times fast
Most Realistic Claim
I burned sixty calorie
Mr Deeter
That should put an end to your obesity once and for all.