That someone is Minnie Driver. You know, the English woman with the enormous head who never gets to use her English accent because we want all of our English women to sound like they’re just ordinary Americans, even if it wouldn’t have made a bit of difference to the story? Yeah that one. Good Actress. Well, she’s made an album or two, believe it or not. And this gem, a love song sang (apparently) to her dog, just blew me away. And the surging footage? Definitely worthy of a Hasselhoff award.

I wanna lay down with you
Forever
Or just this afternoon
Watching the shadows getting long
I’ll sing you a quiet song
Watch you sleep, slow and deep

Baby I know that all your pain will pass
I know your sad
But it wont last
I’m betting you everything, that I’ve got in my pocket
When your staring out into the sky
See what you have
And don’t ask why
Things can be different, be Perfect

I wanna remind you how to laugh
Sometimes you don’t even, make a sound
Until you fall down on the ground
And I want to love you everyday
And maybe it will balance out the pain
I can’t take away

Baby I know that all your pain will pass
I know your sad
But it wont last
I’m betting you everything, that I’ve got in my pocket
When your staring out into the sky
See what you have
And don’t ask why
Things can be different, be Perfect

So come on and lay down with me
I’ll tell you all the useless things that I have learned
But theres one good thing my old man told me:

Baby I know that all your pain will pass
I know your sad
But it wont last
I’m betting you everything, that I’ve got in my pocket
When your staring out into the sky
See what you have
And don’t ask why
Things can be different, be Perfect

Ohh be perfect…

It’s two A.M.

It’s two A.M. the fear has gone
I’m sittin’ here waitin’, the gun still warm
Maybe my connection is tired of takin’ chances
Yeah there’s a storm on the loose, sirens in my head
I’m wrapped up in silence, all circuits are dead
I cannot decode, my whole life spins into a frenzy

Help I’m steppin’ into the twilight zone
The place is a madhouse, feels like being cloned
My beacon’s been moved under moon and star
Where am I to go, now that I’ve gone too far

Soon you will come to know…
When The Bullets hit the bone

The Bullets are pleased to announce the winner of last week’s T-Shirt Photo Contest. As always, there were tons of entries to choose from, and they were all great… but there can be only one. And this was really a no-brainer.

That’s right, it’s none other than Gandalf The Grey himself,
Sir Ian McKellan!

Aw, look at him crossing his fingers for luck. Not needed, pal! Who were we gonna give it to, Daniel Radcliffe? Well, he did send us an entry, but he wasn’t wearing any pants in the photo, and we’re pretty sure that’s still kiddie porn. So congratulations, Sir Ian! And don’t forget to check your paypal acct. for the big $10.00 prize!

As for you runners-up… watch for the next Bullets T-Shirt Photo Contest starting up in the next edition!

• Dessicated news-corpse Dan Rather is suing CBS & it’s parent company Viacom for 70 million dollars, alleging breech of contract during the “Rathergate” scandal that occured near the end of the 2004 campaign. A press release we recieved late Friday said, “They better fork over the gold semolians, or boy will they be sorry… I’m hotter than Aunt Sally’s potato salad left in the trunk at the 4th Of July picnic in Death Valley.”
• Denise Richards’s restraining order against Charlie Sheen has expired, so she’s filed for an order of protection to keep him away from the couple’s 2 daughters. The Bullets attempted to reach Richards for comment, but we were told she was busy blowing the lead singer from Warrant while David Spade & Heather Locklear watched while jacking each other off.
• Speaking of Charlie Sheen, the star of Two & A Half Men was once again denied the best actor in a comedy award in Sunday night’s Emmy ceremony. In a related story, future Emmy ballots will just feature pictures of the nominated actors with little boxes to check next to them, under the sentence “Who’s funnyer?” written in crayon with the “s” backwards.
• America’s male sweetheart Tom Hanks is producing a 10-part mini-series based on Vincent Bugliosi’s book Reclaiming History. The book essentially debunks all the famous JFK assasination conspiracy theories, agreeing with the Warren Commision’s conclusion that Lee Harvey Oswald acted alone. We called up our old pal, JFK director Oliver Stone to tell him the news, and he said, “What? Fools! Ignorant, blind fools! Can’t they see that the longer we fight the truth, the more we suffer as a nation, and the easier it is to… waitaminnit, who’s doing it? Hanks? Aw… I love that guy!”
• Following Owen Wilson’s recent suicide attempt, Matthew McConaughey has taken over Wilson’s role in the upcoming Ben Stiller-directed comedy Tropic Thunder. When informed, Stiller, who hadn’t noticed yet, told The Bullets, “Ya know, I thought Owen was taking his shirt off way too much.”
• Country star and fake patriotic fuck-face Lee Greenwood canceled a recent concert held to honor veterans, police, and firefighters. Sources told The Bullets that Greenwood, who sings the anthem “God Bless The U.S.A.” refused to appear after organizers failed to come up with his $20,000 fee. We reached Greenwood’s manager for comment, and he told us, “Well, it’s just like the lyrics say… ‘I’m proud to be an American, where at least I know I’m free/And I won’t forget the men who died who gave that right to me/Unless you don’t cough up my 20 grand’.”
• Diminutive pop superstar and long-time Bullets favorite Prince surprised the attendees of designer Matthew Williamson’s catwalk show for his new line by staging an impromptu concert at the event in London on Wednesday. After the show, His Royal Badness took off his pants, drew a smiley face on his ass, jumped on a camel, poured a bottle of Mr. Bubble over his head, and rode off while speaking in what witnesses described as “tongues.”
• Tuesday night’s Big Brother 8 finale on CBS was beaten in the ratings by NBC’s finale of The Biggest Loser. A Spokesperson for CBS told The Bullets, “Fine… we’ll just put more fat people in the house next year.”
• And finally, Dr. Joyce Brothers turns 78 today. The Bullets would like to take this opportunity to wish Dr. Brothers a very happy brithday, and to thank her for all the years of pantsuits, scarves, and dubious advice. Unless she’s dead, in which case we’ll update this later… Our research dept. is looking into it.

The Emmy show wasn’t without it’s high points. Here’s one… Stewie & Brian’s spectacular opening musical number:

And one more quick note: If you haven’t been watching Warner Bros. The Batman cartoon recently, you’ve missed Robin, Batgirl, Martian Manhuner teaming up with Bats to save the Earth from an alien invasion…

And oh yeah… you missed THIS:

Set your tivos… the new Season starts up Saturday Sept. 22nd!

Those are The Bullets for this week kids. Until next time, keep your powder dry. Whatever powder that may be.

Tell me why?
I don’t like Mondays.
Tell me why?
I don’t like Mondays.
Tell me why?
I don’t like Mondays.
I want to shoot
The whole day down.

We would like to take a moment before we begin this edition to proudly announce the return of The Bullets T-Shirt Photo Contest. The rules remain simple: Just take a picture of yourself in this weeks featured t-shirt, and e-mail it to us at thebullets@gmail.com. The winner, as always, will have the winning photo posted in the next edition, and will recieve the customary $10.00 prize in their paypal account. So grab that shirt & that camera, and get snappin’ bitches!!!!!

*NOTE: All photos sent become the property of The Bullets, and my appear anywhere on the internet at any time, especially if you’re a hot girl.

• Speaking of which, High School Musical star Vanessa Hudgens took naked pictures of herself, and they wound up on the internet. And we’d just like to take a moment to say that we’re all for it. And if her actions convince more smokin’ hot 18 year-olds to take naked pictures of themselves that end up on the internet, well frankly we’re just not seeing the downside. So mazel tov, Vanessa, not only for your shining example, but also for being the first one of those HSM kids to do anything we’d want to see.
• A post script to the above bullet… it’s getting increasingly difficult to actually see Hudgens’ nude pictures, due to actions being taken by Disney lawyers. We’d like to let our readers know that we would have posted them here, but we’re already in some legal hot water over our recent posting of clips from the lost Bea Arthur-Estelle Getty lesbian shower scene from the series finale of The Golden Girls, which as you may recall resulted in numerous suicide attempts.
• Fading trailer-trash pop princess Britney Spears is in Vegas this weekend for the MTV Video Music Awards, and she has been… ah, ya know what? Fuck it. Nevermind.
• Foxy Brown In The Slammer! We were perusing Yahoo News today, and when we saw that, we thought that they were advertising an old Pam Greir flick for some odd reason. Turns out, the phrase has another connotation. Huh. How ’bout that.
• Famed director Ang Lee’s latest film Lust, Caution won the top prize at the Venice Film Festival again, a scant two years after Lee won the same prize for the Citizen Kane of gay cowboy movies, Brokeback Mountain. While in the press room after recieving his award, Lee said, “WHY YOU NO LIKE HULK????? HULK RULES!!!!!!”
• Aussie Superstar & notorious hothead Russell Crowe is in Maryland this month shooting his latest movie, the Ridley Scott-directed thriller Body Of Lies, which marks Crowe’s fourth collaboration with his Gladiator director. In a related story, anxious Bullets readers everywhere are resigning themselves to a likely new surge of lame, out-dated, Russell-Crowe-throwing-phones-at-people gags.
• Per The Hollywood Reporter, the Showtime network has already renewed David Duchovney’s red-hot new series Californication for a second season. Elsewhere, Duchovney’s old X-Files partner Gillian Anderson will continue to be seen in upcoming episodes of “Yeah, yeah, I used to be Scully… look, just give me my dry cleaning, OK?”
• In a shocking turn of events, Heath Ledger & Michelle Williams are getting a divorce. And we thought it would last forever. Ledger will play Batman’s arch-enemy The Joker in next summer’s highly anticipated sequel, The Dark Knight. Williams can be seen in future episodes of “Yeah, yeah, I used to be Jen on Dawson’s Creek… look, just give me my dry cleaning, OK?” with her co-star, Gillian Anderson.
• Spider-Man star Tobey Maguire is reportedly interested in a role in the upcoming film adaptation of the popular Japanese anime series RoboTech. Maguire’ production company will be producing the film. The Bullets attended a recent Maguire press conference, and when we asked him about the validity of this news, he said, “That’s right geeks, I’m Spider-Man!!! And now I’m gonna be Rick Hunter or Roy Fokker in RoboTech!!! Maybe I’ll play ‘em both, it’s my movie, SUCKAS!!! And look, this is my wife!!! Check her out, she’s a hottie!!! Yeah, sometimes I do her with the Spidey mask on!!! I get laid all the time!!! Suck it, losers!!!!”
• And finally, Opera superstar and friend of The Bullets Luciano Pavarotti has lost his battle with pancreatic cancer. You were one in a million, Luciano, and we will miss you. And just so you know… after Crazy Joe DaVola, you were our favorite Pagliacci.

Those are The Bullets for this week, kids. We’re off to the clubs… but before we go, we’d like to wish a big Bullets happy birthday to the Head Nerd In Charge, our fearless leader J.C. Party up, pal. And know that, just like Bryan Adams said… everything we do, we do it for you. But… you know… not in a gay way.

Official Beverage: Smart Water (What? You’re still drinking the dumb water?)

Official Car: The Honda Fit

Official Hard-To-Pin-Down Bush Appointee: Alberto Gonzalez

Official Hard-To-Pin-Down Looney Tunes Character: Speedy Gonzalez

Official Nostalgic Year:1989

Official Hilarious Late Night Comedy Bit No One Is Watching: Craig Ferguson’s “The Rather Late Programme With Prince Charles” Bit. Seriously, It’s fucking hilarious.

Official Beer: Heineken In The Groovy Lil Keg

Official Hot Dog Topping: Bright Green Relish

Official Song / Warning Sign: Rehab

Official Joan Jett & The Blackhearts Song: This Means War!

Official Event It’s More Fun To Miss Than To Attend: Burning Man

Official Reality Show: Our Neighbors

Official Old TV Show We really Wanna Watch That No One Is Airing Right Now, Dammit: ALF

Official Cut Of Beef: Ribeye

Official Blockbuster: Transformers

Official Pez Dispenser: Garfield

Official Dead President: Garfield

Official City In New Jersey: Garfield

Official Crap Motel: Extended Stay

Official Director: Judd Aptow

Official Cliffhanger That’s Been Driving Us Crazy All Summer: Battlestar Galactica

Official T-Shirt: This one

Official Breakfast Pastry: Cheese Danish

Official Salad Dressing: Roquefort

Official Lame Duck: G.W. Bush

Official Peiking Duck: Dragon Garden

Official Classic SNL Line: “The late Mr. Lupner was born without a spine.”

Official Insult: I’m a big fan of your early work.

Official Joke: Q -What do you call the creatures growing in the garbage strewn all over the floor at Britney Spears’ house? A -Her children!

Official Celebrity Fued: Michael Vick vs. Dogs

Official Celebrity Hook-Up: Jessica Beil & Justin Timberlake

Official Celebrity Break Up: Kate Hudson & Owen Wilson

Official Celebrity Fuck-Up: Cuba Gooding Jr. In Daddy Day Camp

Official Still Not a Slut Starlet: Hillary Duff!

Official JUN Post That’s Gone On Too Long: THIS ONE!!!

Hope you all had great summers!

*post by both Steve & J.C.

Ba-ba-bamp-ba ba-ba-ba-bamp-ba I wanna be sedated
Ba-ba-bamp-ba ba-ba-ba-bamp-ba I wanna be sedated
Ba-ba-bamp-ba ba-ba-ba-bamp-ba I wanna be sedated
Ba-ba-bamp-ba ba-ba-ba-bamp-ba I wanna be sedated

• The mystery of the whereabouts of “Rehab” singer & all-around drunken mess Amy Winehouse was cleared up this week. Her husband Blake Fielder-Civil says that the two have sought help at a “retreat” and that Amy is doing fine, and is “determined to get well.” The Bullets tried to reach the ‘retreat’ for comment, but during the conversation, Amy bashed the admitting nurse over the head with a
  coffee table she dragged out of the group therapy room, then ripped the phone out of the wall.
• It was announced Thursday that former Girls Gone Wild star and Bush daughter Jenna is engaged to her long-time boyfriend, political hack Henry Hager. The Bullets has learned from a source close to the president that The White House is already busy with wedding preparations, including renting 500 tuxes for the secret service, wire-tapping prospective guests to get a head start on the thank you cards, and sending U.S. military forces into Macy’s for a china pattern that they don’t carry.
• Paris Hilton caused a mob scene as she launched her new clothing line at the Kitson Boutique in L.A. Friday, in an event benefitting the L.A. Children’s Hospital. Paris said she’s been “really blessed by God” and she just wanted to give something back. Ya know Paris, the charity thing was nice… but we’re not sure that snowballing Adrian Grenier is the kind of giving something back that the big guy has in mind.
• Two men died at the New Jersey stop of this year’s Ozzfest on Thursday. A spokesperson for Ozzfest organizers told The Bullets, “Wow. We knew Static X sucked, but we didn’t think it would actually kill anybody.”
• Prison Break star Dominic Purcell is claiming that the upcoming third season of the hit Fox drama will be “the best season thus far.” The actor, who has also starred in Blade: Trinity & Mission Impossible II told TV Guide that everyone should really enjoy the new episodes, except for the kid Lane Garrison killed in that car accident.
• In other TV news, Nichelle “Uhuru” Nichols will join her Star Trek crewmate George “Sulu” Takei in the upcoming season of Heroes. Series creator Tim Kring has also told TV Guide that since the ashes of James “Scotty” Doohan never actually made it into space, he would like them to play the contents of an ashtray in a future episode, just as soon as they finish sweeping all of him up.
• Country singer Travis Tritt has a new album, The Storm, that critics are calling soulful, rocking, and even funky. When The Bullets reached it for comment, a mostly disinterested America said, “That guy still makes albums?”
• Speaking of new albums, The Eagles’ Long Road Out Of Eden will be retailing at Wal Mart for just $11.88, even though it’s a double CD loaded with 20 tracks. When asked why the low price, A Wal Mart representative told The Bullets, “That’s nothing. When the next Rolling Stones album comes out, we’re actually gonna pay you to take it.”
• Hottie-Boom-A-Lottie & former No Doubt front woman Gwen Stefani will extoll the joys of motherhood in a cover story in next month’s issue of InStyle magazine. Gwen even takes her 1 year old son Kingston with her on tour. We don’t really have a story here, The Bullets just wanted to give little Kingston his props… we’ve been wanting to pass through Gwen’s vagina since Tragic Kingdom.

Those are The Bullets for this week kids. Don’t take any wooden nickels… and we really shouldn’t hafta tell you that.

BUT…

Some of those feelings changed last week when I had the pleasure of visiting the Rock & Roll Hall Of Fame & Museum. I only stayed for a day, but I could have done two, easy. And if they’d let me take my camera in… I’d probably still be there. So, regardless of the stature of the Hall Of Fame itself, there is nothing in dispute over the quality of the museum it has put together for it’s inductees.

And here are just a very few of the very many things that I saw that I will never forget:

• The guitar Pete Townshend composed most of Tommy on.
• Freddie Mercury’s white outfit with the black lightning bolts on it.
• Jimmy Hendrix’s artwork.
• Joan Jett’s red latex halter top & black converse all stars.
• The envelope that John Lennon wrote In My Life on.
• Jim Morrison’s report cards.
• Joey Ramone’s 3rd Grade class picture.
• The actual broken bass that Paul Simonon is smashing on the cover of London Calling.
• James Brown’s red velvet tuxedo.
• A letter Madonna wrote to a friend when she was at the University of Michigan in 1977, saying how bored she is, how she’s gonna drop out and move to New York, and that how when her parents find out they’re gonna kill her.
• A letter The Damned wrote to The Ramones after their first visit to London, telling them how great it was to hang out with them, and that they hope they see each other again soon.
• The actual Schoolmaster from the Pink Floyd: The Wall concerts, reaching out to grab me from behind The Wall.
• Seeing the other side of The Wall, upon which, like graffitti, Roger Waters had written a story that detailed the reasons he left Pink Floyd.
• Bono’s Fly outfit.
• Tom Petty’s Mad Hatter hat from the Don’t Come Around Here No More video.
• Z.Z. Top’s Eliminator car. That’s right… it’s just sitting there behind some velvet ropes with a sign that says “please don’t touch.” Gimme a fucking break.
• A Christmas card Jim Morrison had made for his parents when he was 12, wishing them a “Cool Yule.”
• Elvis’ first recording contract.
• Joey Ramone’s leather jacket.
• Sid Vicious’ leather pants.
• David Bowie’s Thin White Duke outfit.
• The Les Paul exhibit.
• The little kid in The Ramones t-shirt!
• The guy who put his hand on the glass over Jimi Hendrix’s coat as if it were transferring magical powers to him…
• Roy Orbison’s Red & White Corvette.
• Joe Strummers’ guitar, with all the set lists still taped to the side of it.
• The jacket John Lennon wore on the cover of Sgt. Pepper’s.
• Elvis’ Snowflake Jumpsuit.
• The goofy, fringed-leather Indian getup Roger Daltrey wore on a BBC show once.
• Michael Jackson’s Thriller zombie outfit.
• The thought that maybe, someday, someone will buy me the framed & autographed Stevie Nicks scarf hanging in the Museum Store. (it’s only $900.00!!!!)

Friday

Ice Wars 2006: USA VS. The World
Once again, the rest of the world is pitted against us. Even in ice skating, we stand alone. Couldn’t they at least have given us the UK and Australia? You know, a Coalition of the Skating? Tune in to see if Brian Boitano can save the day again.

1 Vs. 100
This week features the cast of Las Vegas. Now is your chance to prove you’re smarter than Nikki Cox.

Saturday

The Christmas Card
A soldier visits a family because he got an anonymous Christmas card from them on the front line – kind of creepy if you ask me. Also, since this is the Hallmark channel, I’ve got to wonder if this isn’t an infomercial.

Sunday

Librarian Two: Return to Kind Solomon’s Mine
Noah Wyle reprises his role as a geekier version of Indiana Jones. Guess where he’s going this time? Oh, and it’s directed by Commander Riker. Good to see Frakes getting work . . . I guess.

This Weekend’s Pick N’ Flick

Pearl Harbor
People criticize this movie (probably because the romance is so incredibly lame) but they just don’t know how to watch it. Skip the first 45 minutes and the last 45 minutes. When you see Alec Baldwin, it’s time to go for a snack. If you follow these tips, you can have a pretty pleasant viewing experience. Tivo really helps this one out.

• A bronze representation of what little Suri Cruise’s shit might look like will be on display at Capla Kesting Fine Art, in Brooklyn’s Williamsburg gallery district. The piece is called “Bronzed Baby Poop” and will be auctioned on eBay, with proceeds going to the March Of Dimes. Not to be outdone, Tom Cruise will bronze little Suri herself, and sell her on eBay with all proceeds going to the March Of Insane Hollywood Fuck-faces In Werido Made-up Religions.
• Speaking of Tom Cruise, Brooke Sheilds says that he appologized to her for his psycho rant about her taking anti-depressants. No word yet on when we get an appology for Days Of Thunder.
• In music news, this year’s Farm Aid benefit concert will feature polka superstar Jimmy Sturr and his orchestra. The band was booked as a part of the Farm Aid organization’s concerted efforts to find artists even less relevant than John Melencamp and Dave Matthews.
• Erstwhile West Wing president Martin Sheen has enrolled at National University Galway, in Ireland. The actor is pursuing a bachelor of arts degree, and will study English literature and oceanography. Classes started yesterday, and by last night Charlie Sheen had already thrown an empty keg of Guiness through the elder Sheen’s dorm room window and jumped out wearing a toga & a bra on his head.
• According to her publicist, Ashley Simpson started rehersals this week to play Roxie Hart in the upcoming London production of Chicago. The Bullets reached our pal, Chicago veteran Bebe Neuwirth, for comment, and we made her blow her Diet Pepsi out of her nose.
• And Ashley’s dimwitted big sister Jessica Simpson has been ordered not to sing by her doctor, due to a bruised vocal cord. The Bullets is trying to find out her doctor’s name, so that we can petition congress to make September 2nd a national holiday in his honor.
• After actor & Angelina Jolie’s dad Jon Voight wished his grandson Maddox a happy birthday from the 4th annual BAFTA tea party, he said hello to his granddaughter Zahara, but called her “Shakira.” He then went on to send well wishes to Angelina’s boyfriend “B. Pitty” and the couple’s new baby, “Shaka Zulu.”
• INSERT YOUR OWN KYRA PHILLIPS BATHROOM JOKE HERE.
• And finally, in Nerd birthday news, one of the original goth chicks, Yvonne De Carlo, turned 84 yesterday. Happy Birthday, Lilly! Oh, and Edgar Rice Burroughs would have turned 131, but he’s dead. Hey, that’s pretty goth, too.

Those are The Bullets for this week, kids. Time for us to exit, Terminator X-it!

All right foo’s, listen up! Me bein’ a big Hollywood star and Comcast spokesman and everything I need to stay on top of all the this’s and the that’s about Hollywood and pop culture… but have you eva tried lookin’ stuff like that up on the internet box? I ain’t got time for all that jibba jabba! That’s why I start the day with a ten mile run, a big glass of orange juice with extra vitamin C, and JUSTUSNERDS.COM. They tell me all the stuff I gotsta know about all the stuff I gotsta know about. And they make me laugh. And they even gots a horoscope so’s I know what’s gonna happen every week. And it’s never wrong! So don’t be a foo’! Treat your Momma right! Say your milk! Eat your prayers! Drink your vitamins! And read justusnerds.com!

• So we were watching E! the other day (I know, I know… but we do it for you) and we saw a promo for E! News Daily in which Giuliana DePandi called herself GiuliANDA DePandi. We tried to reach her, to discuss just exactly how stupid one would have to be to mispronounce one’s own name, but when the phone rang she went to answer the door.
• Former child star and current violent, drunken ass-face Danny Bonaduce will appear in the first half of CSI’s two-part season premiere, airing Sept. 21st. The CSI gang finds Bonaduce’s partially decomposed carreer in a dumpster behind the Game Show Network, and sets out to find the killer.
• Critically acclaimed actor William Macy berated America’s bad girl/skin sweetheart Lindsay Lohan this week for her habit of showing up late for movie shoots. Macy went on to say “A lot of actors show up late as if they’re God’s gift to the film. It’s inexcusable.” Then he then complained about how complicated medicare’s new prescription drug programs were, yelled “Consarnit!” then fell and broke his hip.
• CBS’s reality show Survivor responed to criticism that the show isn’t racially diverse enough by racially segregating this season’s contestants. When The Bullets tried to reach Mark Burnett Productions for comment, we were refered to the company’s new Director of Human Resources, Mel Gibson.
• According to his publisher, Norman Mailer’s first new novel in ten years, The Castle In The Forest, will be released in January. A synopsis wasn’t available at Bullets press time, as the synopsis is over 1,000 pages, and no one here has finished reading it yet.
• Legendary crap producer & composer Andrew Lloyd Webber has a new target for his next musical, the classic Russian novel The Master and Margarita by Mikhail Bulgakov. The author, who died in 1940, was too busy spinning in his grave to comment.
• In other literary news, Britney Spear’s tell-all book Stages is now only sold in .99 cent stores. There will presumably be some sort of discount when you purchace the book with a bag of Fritos & some Tang.
• And finally, in Nerd birthday news, one of our heroes, Elvis Costello, turned 53 yesterday. Now go listen to my Aim Is True.

Those are The Bullets for this week, kids. We’re off to watch House re-runs & wish we had to walk with a cane, because that fuckin’ guy makes it look COOL AS HELL.