Now that you’ve had a couple of days to absorb your second straight election defeat, I thought I would let you know how you drove this former Republican away.
In the eighties and nineties I was a member of the Republican Party. In the early nineties, I briefly held a position as a precinct committeeman for the Republican Party. Even then, however, I had problems with the party. I was willing to overlook them, but they only got worse. Eventually, the Republican Party chose to elect a clearly incompetent man, George Bush. This man could not string two sentences together coherently, but he said the word God a lot. Apparently, that was more important to Republicans. When he took office I left the party. I knew it was no longer the place for me. For the record, I didn’t join the Democrats. I never considered myself one of them either. I am truly a man without a party. If you are interested in getting me and the many people who are like me, back, I’ll let you know what I stand for and against. Perhaps it will help your thinking.
Here is what I agree (in principal) with the Republican Party on.
I believe that the government cannot solve all of our problems. When in doubt, the government should just stay out of the way.
I believe in gun rights. The right to bear arms is guaranteed by the constitution and it is there for good reasons.
I believe in a balanced budget. A government that owes no money is infinitely more stable and powerful than a government that is deep in debt.
I believe in a strong defense. Our military should be strong enough to strike fear in those who mean us harm.
I believe in a flat tax. Anyone above the poverty line should pay a fixed percentage of their income with no loopholes.
I believe in the rights of the states as outlined by the constitution. States should, within those limits, be able to set their own courses.
Here are the areas in which I do not agree with the Republican Party:
I believe in the first amendment, absolutely and completely.
I believe that abortion is unfortunate but sometimes necessary. I think everything should be done to create a society in which few people ever have a reason to choose abortion, but I will not persecute those who make the choice or those who assist them.
I do not believe in “Family Values”. I could care less who marries who, or who has sex with who. I am pro human rights and opposed to laws governing consensual and private acts.
I believe in the separation of church and state. This country was founded by people who wanted to be free to worship as they chose. We should be free to worship or not worship in any way we want, as long as we do not infringe on the rights of others to do the same or break laws that have nothing to do with religion.
I believe that education should be the absolute number one priority of the government. Education lowers crime and poverty while making us more financially competitive throughout the world. A well educated population in a capitalist country cannot help but succeed. I do not believe that we should spend our time and energy bashing teachers. If the job was more appealing, better people might take the job. As it is, we have trouble finding enough people willing to take the low paying, mostly thankless job.
I do not believe that people should be tortured or executed — even our enemies. Not only is it immoral, it is poor policy for a country that wants to bring freedom and democracy to the world.
I do not believe that you can force democracy on people. Forcing any decision, even voting, on a population is not democratic.
I believe that the threat of war is sometimes useful, but actual war should really, truly be only a last resort.War damages every country involved.
I believe that freedom is not safe. Balancing our safety with our freedom is always difficult, but if there is any question of which way to go, I choose freedom.
I’m not expecting the Republican Party to come to my way of thinking, but I do think there are a lot of people out there who share most of my views. They aren’t happy with the Democrats and their government solutions to everyone’s problems, but they are just as fearful of a Republican party that thinks they speak for God, that America is always right, and that questioning our leaders is unpatriotic. Good luck reevaluating your party. I hope you make wise decisions.
So, the fall TV season is well underway and I have to say I am not impressed. In fact, I am quickly losing interest in most of the new shows.
Chuck Why I Watched: As a nerd, I felt the obligation to honor other nerds by watching their fictional exploits on TV. Also, it looked like fun. What’s Good: Adam Baldwin is great, even if his character is badly written. Adam is my favorite Baldwin brother, probably because he’s the only one who isn’t related. The girls on the show are smokin’ hot. What’s Bad: I understand it’s a comedy, but it should still make sense, and most of the plots border on the absurd. The show is basically falling into a weekly formula, which rarely keeps my interest. Verdict: I haven’t checked out yet, but I haven’t given up on it yet.
Big Bang Theory Why I Watched: Again with the nerds. Also, it fills that slot between How I Met Your Mother and Two and a Half Men. What’s Good: When the four nerds go off on an obscure intellectual tangent, I almost start to like them. What’s Bad: The whole sexual tangent. The girl is as bland as it gets and while she’s cute, a real nerd would have tired of her by now. More importantly, she looks annoyed by them, so why does she keep hanging out with them? Verdict: Leaving it on the Tivo in case I get A LOT of spare time.
Reaper Why I Watched: Kevin Smith directed the premiere, I gave it a shot. What’s Good: Ray Wise as the devil is great. The three friends, when they interact, are reasonably funny. What’s Bad: The Monster of the week format is so predictable that I can just about time the scene changes. The “love” interest has zero chemistry. To be honest, I find the girl whiny and unpleasant. Verdict: It on notice — if the plot doesn’t get more interesting by the end of sweeps, I’m out of there.
Bionic Woman Why I Watched: I wanted to see how the Battlestar Galactica people would retool one of my favorite shows as a kid. What’s Good: Katee Sackhoff is acting circles around Michelle Ryan. What’s Bad: Katee Sackhoff is acting circles around Michelle Ryan. The sister is annoying. They killed off the doctor I liked. The plots may be darker than the originals, but their no smarter. Verdict: Off my list.
Life Why I Watched: Was stuck in a hotel room with nothing else of interest on. What’s Good: I like the whole zen cop angle, and Adam Arkin is always a great addition to a cast. What’s Bad: Its basically a darker version of Monk, and I gave up on Monk a year ago. Verdict: Off my list.
Moonlight Why I Watched: I had a bad feeling, but the Tivo schedule on Fridays is wide open so I gave it a shot. What’s Good: The yuppie asshole vampire friend is the lone high point. The Vamp PI’s car is kinda cool. What’s Bad: Where to start? The hair, the writing, the terrible special effects, the recycling of every horror movie cliché, the bad acting, the overly dramatic score. To think, just a couple years ago that cute Joan girl was doing favors for God in this very same time slot and they canceled it because it got “too dark”. Verdict: I would say “It sucks” but that would be playing right into their hands. I’m only leaving it on the Tivo because my wife is curious to see “how bad it gets”. I think she’s punishing me for still watching SNL.
Back To You Why I Watched: Kelsey Grammar was funny once. What’s Good: Fred Willard made me chuckle once. What’s Bad: This is every bad sitcom plot rolled into one show. Also, it reminds me of how good a show Sports night was with the same basic premise. Verdict: Never actually let Tivo record it, so there’s nothing to delete.
Cavemen Why I Watched: Just in case it was as funny as the commercials. What’s Good: Nothing comes to mind. What’s Bad: Not much, its just that there’s nothing good. It isn’t funny, Verdict: If it lasts till spring, I’ll watch another episode to see if they’ve gotten any better. It is possible.
Big Shots Why I Watched: The critics absolutely hated it, and I wanted to see why. What’s Good: All of the lead actors except Michael Vartan are entertaining to watch. One of the reoccurring characters is a Tranny Hooker. I don’t have to root for anyone because they’re all scumbags. What’s Bad: Any moment that even attempts to be dramatic. They’ve brought in Rob Thomas to “fix” the show. Verdict: Sadly, regrettably, this is my favorite show of the new season.
So there you have it. Of the lot, Big Shots is the only keeper, and my bet they will ruin it by “fixing” it. TV viewership is WAY down this year, and it will only get worse as these duds fall off the tree and are replaced by shows that weren’t even good enough to start the year against this lousy competition.
I love a good celebrity musician. I can listen to Bruce Willis plug away at his harmonica for hours (he’ll do it too, just ask). And when Jared Leto put on that goth makeup and sings plaintively into the camera, it warms my heart. Sure, nothing will ever compare to the Blues Brothers and their extended R&B ruminations, but we keep trotting celebrities out there, hoping one will stick. Most of the celebrity “women” who try to rule the musical world are pop-rock nymphets like Lindsey Lohan or whichever one of the Duff Girls sings (it may be both, I can’t tell them apart) but once in a while we get a real WOman out there to sing. Someone with class, style and distinction goes up there and makes all us sit up and notice.
That someone is Minnie Driver. You know, the English woman with the enormous head who never gets to use her English accent because we want all of our English women to sound like they’re just ordinary Americans, even if it wouldn’t have made a bit of difference to the story? Yeah that one. Good Actress. Well, she’s made an album or two, believe it or not. And this gem, a love song sang (apparently) to her dog, just blew me away. And the surging footage? Definitely worthy of a Hasselhoff award.
I wanna lay down with you
Forever
Or just this afternoon
Watching the shadows getting long
I’ll sing you a quiet song
Watch you sleep, slow and deep
Baby I know that all your pain will pass
I know your sad
But it wont last
I’m betting you everything, that I’ve got in my pocket
When your staring out into the sky
See what you have
And don’t ask why
Things can be different, be Perfect
I wanna remind you how to laugh
Sometimes you don’t even, make a sound
Until you fall down on the ground
And I want to love you everyday
And maybe it will balance out the pain
I can’t take away
Baby I know that all your pain will pass
I know your sad
But it wont last
I’m betting you everything, that I’ve got in my pocket
When your staring out into the sky
See what you have
And don’t ask why
Things can be different, be Perfect
So come on and lay down with me
I’ll tell you all the useless things that I have learned
But theres one good thing my old man told me:
Baby I know that all your pain will pass
I know your sad
But it wont last
I’m betting you everything, that I’ve got in my pocket
When your staring out into the sky
See what you have
And don’t ask why
Things can be different, be Perfect
Things were so barren here at JUN, that when the Emmy nominations came out I actually posted my response on PoeWar, but now that we’re up and running again, I’ll do the wrap up here where they belong, and with 75% more sassmouth.
Freakin Best Drama: In JCland, The Shield (not nominated) once again walked away with top honors, but in crap-assed Hollywood the used up old whore that was the Sopranos walked away with the top prize. Congratulations. In your honor I will observe a moment of silence. No wait, I already went through that. As Tony would say, nice ending fuck-for-brains.
Best Actor: in JCland Michael Chiklis (not nominated) walked away with this, but in Hollywood, James Spader had to waddle up on the stage to accept his prize. Yeah, he’s pretty good on that lousy show, but of any of the nominees, Hugh Laurie ought to have got it just for the scene where he lay in his own vomit. Now that’s acting!
Best Actress in a Drama: Yeah, big Hollywood Sally Field got it. In her honor Fox TV observed a moment of silence. That network has some Goddamn class!
Best Supporting Actor in a Drama Series: Apparently the Emmies were still watching the 2005 Lost, because they gave it to Terry O’Quinn who should have been counted in the Guest Actor slot this year. What did he get, two shows out of 22? Michael Emerson’s bug eyes should have won. I would have loved to hear their acceptance speech.
Best Supporting Actress in a Drama Series: Katherine Heigl is smokin’ hot. I can live with this one.
Best Comedy Series: My pick, anything BUT Ugly Betty, won. Hmmmm, Butt Ugly Betty, now that would have been an even BETTER name for the show.
Best Actor in a Comedy Series: Ricky Gervais? That no talent hack? When, oh when will they recognize Charlie Sheen’s awesome comedic timing?
Best Actress in a Comedy Series: They gave it to America Ferrara, who in a bold move sent up a drag queen to accept the award for her. Way to recognize the little people America!
Best Supporting Actor in a Comedy Series: Jeremy Piven won! And he stayed in character by acting like a total a-hole when he accepted the award. Suck it India!
Best Supporting Actress in a Comedy Series: Jaime Pressly won, and she was nice enough to bring her twins up when she accepted. I couldn’t have been happier for them.
Best Variety, Music, or Comedy Series: The Daily Show! Awesome! Suck it Colbert!!!
Everything Else: Tony Bennett and Robert Duvall. Coincidentally, they’re gonna team up as buddy cops next year! Look for Blue Steel and Blue Veins to sweep the 2009 Emmies!
Now it’s time for me to give out some awards:
Best imitation of a straight guy imitating a gay guy imitating a straight guy: Ryan Seacrest
Best Musical Performance that had next to nothing to do with the TV show it paid tribute to: I’m looking at you Jersey Boys!
Best Dick Move: Cutting Duvall off to talk to the blogger. Hey’ I’m a blogger and I wouldn’t even do that!
Best Kanye West Impersonation: Kanye West. He’s perfected the act!
Best inappropriate Shot of a Guy in the Audience: Was that a far too lingering shot of Tom Selleck during the Soprano’s tribute? It sure was!
I don’t know what is more depressing. The fact that Funky Winkerbean uses a cat to personify Les’ depression, or the fact that they feel the need to explain that the depressing talking cat is just part of Les’ imagination. Either way, this guy is spiraling out of control.
Wouldn’t it have been cooler to bring back the talking computer? Do you remember the talking computer? It was self aware and funnier than any of the human characters. That was before the 1992 reboot and conversion to a “realistic” soap opera. Now that we have talking cats though, I don’t see why we can’t bring back the talking computer. His advice would certainly be funnier. At least the depressing cat in Betty Blue didn’t show up until after an hour and a half of French sex and angst.
I guess what really bothers me is that I recently lost a good friend, and my cat hasn’t has a word to say about the matter. He just buts up against my hand. Does anyone else get frank counsel from a talking cat when they lose a loved one? If so, please leave a comment. I’d like to hear from you, or better yet, your cat.
My Wife’s Suggestion? Take some Prozac, see a therapist and get on with your life. I’m not sure if she’s talking about me or Les, but the advice is good either way.
Just Us Nerds has been quiet for a while. Like all fun ventures, it had it’s peak and has since dwindled. Today I come bearing bad news for what few readers remain. One of our nerds has passed on. Quickdog, known in real life as Timothy Quick, passed away on August 6th, 2007. He was my best friend growing up, and though he had long ago moved to Cincinnati, this site was one of the many ways we kept in touch. For those of you who know Tim, you know how much he will be missed by me and by all of his friends. As this small and unworthy tribute, here are the links to the articles he wrote here, his Flickr account and the guest book for his obituary.
Mr Media,
I hear that Christin Slater is in talks to reprise his role as Edward Carnby in Alone in the Dark II. I think the original Alone in the Dark was the best movie based on an Atari game since Yar’s Revenge. My question is, will Tara Reid reprise her role as Aline Cedrac and is she functionally illiterate?
Barry, a Real Fan
BARF,
Tara Reid is not functionally illiterate. You are confused because the character she was playing in AITD, an archaeological scientist, was functionally illiterate. No, the character wasn’t written that way, as such, but Tara made the bold choice to play her that way and I think we are all energized by the experience. As for whether she will reprise her role, let’s just hope that Uwe Boll can come up with enough blow. Either way, I am looking forward to more scary lava dogs and lengthy exposition.
There is a plot out there. It is a plot to ruin America. We all see it. We all know it. It is coming at us from all directions, even from our ice cream. Someone is trying to turn All-American ice cream into some sort of fancy gourmet dessert that saps us of our vital fluids. This list is just a warning. I need to be very clear. There are only five safe flavors: chocolate, vanilla, stawberry, pistachio and mint. Anything else is suspect.
Butter Pecan – Can you believe this is the third most popular flavor in the United States? It is obviously a plot by the l
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