Comic Strip Haiku: Pitfall Harry Played By His Own Rules

Posted by J.C. on December 12, 2007 under Comics, Haiku | Be the First to Comment

Bland Ted gets a job

He makes friends with blond young men

Wanting to break rules

The Bullets: WGA Strike Update

Posted by Steve on December 8, 2007 under Movies, Press, Relationships, TV, Technology, The Bullets | 3 Comments to Read

In case you haven’t noticed (and judging by our hit count, you haven’t) The Bullets hasn’t been making with the funny recently. We feel pretty sure that you’ve just chalked it up to the High Holy Days… but we’ve decided to break our little silence to tell you otherwise.

We at The Bullets fully support our brothers & sisters in the WGA, and we will do whatever is necessary to aid in their valiant struggle, even if it means letting our heads explode with pent up rage & sarcasm over the Heroes finale, the upcoming Rambo sequel, any relevant Prince weirdness, and the latest drunken starlet escapades.

To make a long story short, the AMPTP (the Alliance of Motion Picture and Television Producers… and by the way, the actual producers would like them to drop that last “P” and call themselves what they really are… 6 massive media conglomerates) walked out on negotiations on Friday, Dec 7th. But first, lets flash back a few weeks, before we get into what that really means.

The WGA has been at the table every day with a list of demands, waiting to engage in good-faith negotiations. See, that’s how negotiating works. You have a number, they counter with a number, you counter back, and eventually you work your way to some middle ground that everyone can live with. Instead, the conglomerates countered with an offer that was clearly unacceptable, if not just plain retarded. Then they fucked around for a few weeks, probably trying to see if the strike was going to “take.” During this time, the WGA agreed to take the DVD residuals issue off the table. A logical & reasonable step on the road to an equitable agreement.

When it became clear that the strike was in fact going to take, the conglomerates said they would come back with a counter offer… they just needed 4 more days to get it finalized. The WGA waited. At table. At the end of the 4 days, the conglomerates then said they needed another day to kinda finish it up. Fine. The WGA waited. At the table.

Friday, the conglomerates came back and plopped a big, fat, steaming load of shit on said table, said “Suck it, bitches!” and walked out.

This is, of course, paraphrased… but it’s meaning is clear.

So here’s where we stand right now.

The AMPTFS has hired an “attack dog” PR firm to attempt to make it look like it’s the writers that are being unfair. Don’t buy it.

This strike isn’t just about now. It’s about the future. Check your computer. This internet thing isn’t just a fad anymore. It’s not going to wind up in the garage in a dusty old box with your Lazer Tag rig & Connie Chung. It is a legitimate, and highly lucrative, distribution venue. The writers want to be compensated accordingly.

They don’t just want this for the people who are fucking up Heroes, or the people scrambling to figure out what’s gonna happen next on Lost, or the people deciding who’s gonna fuck whom next on Boston Legal. They want it for future generations of writers, many of whom will eventually be writing content solely for internet distribution.

They want it for the actors (not the bigtime superstars, we’re talking about the thousands of working stiffs making scale), for the makeup artists, for the grips, and for the schleps running out to get the coffee. The conglomerates are in a union-busting mode, as evidenced by their inclusion of a “no strike” clause in their proposal to the WGA… something that would force WGA members to cross picket lines of any other striking unions. The Screen Actors Guild contract is up in July of next year, and other key entertainment industry union contracts are expiring next year, as well. They are looking for a domino effect that will start all these unions toppling, ensuring that they get an even bigger percentage of entertainment profits than they already get.

This is a power grab, kids. Pure and simple.

The assholes at Time Warner, and Fox, and Disney, and Viacom, and CBS, and G.E. (hmmm… they don’t sound so people-friendly when we call them who they really are instead of disguising them with cool-sounding initials, now do they) want to own the internet, lock, stock, and barrel-full-of-cash.

The advertisers are paying them to show their ads while the content is streamed. The advertisers are paying for ads on the pages from which the content is downloaded. An estimated 4 billion dollars in the next 2 years alone. The fact that the people who write that content, the people without whom there would actually be no content, should get a fair slice of this massive pie seems to us to be beyond common sense.

OK, so we’ve gotten to you, and your ready to do what’s right. Or, you just fucking want Conan back on the air. Either way, you might be asking yourselves what you can do to help out.

Well kiddies, it’s easy: get involved.

Read the blogs. unitedhollywood.com, speechless, and deadlinehollywooddaily.com are a few good ones to start off with, but there are TONS. Follow the links.

Go to pencils2mediamoguls and drop a buck to send a box of pencils to the conglomerates to show your support. Here’s some pencils, Fuck Sticks… write that next gratuitous, and actually kinda creepy, Grey’s Anatomy sex scene yourselves!

If your favorite star is honoring the picket lines, drop them a line and let them know that you approve. You can usually find emails & addresses at their websites, or the websites of their representation. They crave approval!

Boycott! If you’re a fan of good TV, don’t watch the crappy replacement shows & reality crap the networks are going to be trying to jam in your mouths like a fucking pacifier in the weeks ahead as the strike drags on. When that insipid coworker accosts you at the coffee machine and asks if you caught (insert name of mind-numbingly-stupid reality replacement show here) last night, tell them, “No… I’m boycotting that in support of the WGA.” who knows… they might go home and Google it and find out what’s going on.

Instead of you and your crew dropping a hundred bucks or so going the movies this upcoming weekend, order a pizza and play Monopoly. Or Trivila Pursuit. Or fucking strip poker. Anything.

If you’re in La La Land, or NY, go to the pickets. fans4writers.com has a calendar, and is issuing action alerts to let you know where and when your favorite stars and fandoms are protesting.

if you’re elsewhere, go to Pencils Down and see what your fellow fans are up to in regards to supporting the writers.

At the very least… Sign the petiton!

This doesn’t appear to be anywhere near ending, so as a public service to our readers, we’ll be posting strike-related Bullets issues in the days and weeks to come. So check back in to find out what’s up. And again, be involved! We at The Bullets think this is pretty important. If your entertainment is important to you as it is to us, it should be easy to stand up.

It’s just like Billie Jean said, kids…

• BTW… “Fair is fair!” is from the 1985 Delphi III Productions release The Legend Of Billie Jean. Which was written by WGA members Lawrence Konner and Mark Rosenthal, directed by DGA member Matthew Robbins, and starred SAG member, and one of our favorites, the ever-enchanting Helen Slater.

Comic Strip Haiku: A new dog catcher

Posted by J.C. on December 2, 2007 under Comics, Haiku | Be the First to Comment

Marmaduke at play

Chasing a lone dog catcher

 Giant slobbering death