Owen Wilson Suicide Attempt: The Theories
J.U.N. would like to take this opportunity to wish our pal Owen Wilson best wishes for a speedy recovery. We’ve been in committee all morning, and have decided that we’d also like to take this opportunity to put forth a few theories as to why our crooked-nosed little buddy might have done what he did…
- The dramatic turn Funky Winkerbean has taken was really bumming him out.
- Just got the script for Wedding Crashers II… and yes, it’s that bad.
- Was disappointed in this week’s less than compelling Weeds episode, while simultaneously disturbed by Evan Handler masturbating on Californication.
- Not actual suicide attempt… just rehearsing for next Wes Anderson film & it got out of hand.
- Only way to get Samuel L. Jackson to visit these days.
- Found out he was being replaced by Chris Tucker in all future Jackie Chan “Shanghai” films.
- Tired of bicycle fans asking for autograph. “I’m NOT Matthew McConaughey, damn you!”
- Ben Stiller keeps calling… and calling… and CALLING…
- He’s making a movie with Jennifer Aniston next, and this is preemptive grief over their future hook-up and break-up.
- No one really knows what it’s like to be Dupree… from the inside!
- He didn’t slit his wrists, it was just paper cuts from all the money he was rolling in.
- Can’t believe they forced Gonzo to resign. He’s a good man! A good man!
- Mom always liked Luke best!
- “Now you know my shame. Jedadiah’s impotent rage. His guns don’t fire. Take me away.”
Possible Catalyst?
Note: With the exception of Heathcliff, this may be the least funny talking cat ever.
*post by both Steve & J.C.