Posted by J.C. on January 25, 2007 under Ask Mr. Media, Movies | 
Dear Mr. Media,
I recently read the Dakota Fanning is being horribly exploited. This was accompanied by footage of her living in a dilapidated shack. I have to wonder, is Dakota Fanning working in a Kazakhstan sweat shop?
Worried About Dakota.
Dear WAD,
I am happy to report that Dakota is neither working in a sweat shop nor on location in Kazakhstan. She spent this week promoting a coming of age story called Hounddog. The story, which I am told is NOT a remake of Because of Winn Dixie, is about a young girl coming growing up in the deep south during the sixties. Apparently some people are concerned about the film because, rumor has it, Dakota is actually acting in this one. Rather than portray a perky young asexual waif who is wise beyond her years, she plays a character that is not overly intelligent, funny, perky or out to kill Robert DeNiro. This is troubling to most people. Also, the movie contains sexual themes, and not happy I just kissed a boy for the first time themes. Apparently there are bad people out there, and Dakota’s character has a rather nasty run in with one of them.
Some people are concerned that Dakota can’t tell reality from acting. If this is the case, I feel very bad for her. In her world, Sean Penn is retarded, Lynn Redgrave is a witch, Michael Myers is a psychotic cat, aliens are constantly attacking and kidnapping people and Tom Cruise is her father. Pretty scary stuff if you ask me. I personally like to think that Dakota, who actually reads the scripts for movies before she takes a job, was pretty sure that she wasn’t really being sexually assaulted.
Posted by J.C. on January 23, 2007 under Ask Mr. Media, Movies |
Dear Mr. Media,
I know this question sounds a little strange, but it’s been nagging at me for quite some time. Back in 2003, Owen Wilson made his second movie with Jackie Chan, Shanghai Knights. Ever since that movie, Jackie Chan has all but disappeared and Owen Wilson has begun to look a lot like a rotting corpse. So, can you please tell me, did Jackie Chan murder Owen Wilson?
Devoted Owen Admirer
Dear DOA,
I really don’t know how these rumors get started. Jackie Chan is one of the class acts of Hollywood and would never stoop to killing another actor just because that actor spent most of his time staring vacantly at the wall and mumbling to himself. No, Jackie and Owen even appeared together again in Chan’s 2004 movie, Around the World in Eighty Days. The real answer to your question is that Wilson was killed during filming of The Life Aquatic with Steve Zissou when Bill Murray beat him to death with a scuba tank for taking too long to read one of his lines (Murray claims he was just trying to wake Wilson up). Luckily for Wilson, his death has done nothing to slow down his career. Thanks to advancements in CGI technology, Wilson is booked for three upcoming movies including another movie with his old friend, Wes Anderson. The new film, The Darjeeling Limited, is expected to be one of Anderson’s best, and may even be comprehensible. As for Jackie Chan, the reason he’s not doing very many movies is because he really, really old.
Posted by J.C. on January 17, 2007 under Ask Mr. Media, TV |
Dear Mr. Media,
The first season of Lost was awesome! I thought the characters were interesting and I loved that the Island had so many secrets. I didn’t like the second season quite as much, mainly because they spent so much time on The Tailies and then just killed them all off. This season seems even less interesting. I don’t like The Others and I guess I feel like they are taking time from characters I do like, such as Hurley, Claire and Charlie. Also, I keep getting confused about all of the plot points that seem to get picked up and then dropped again at random. I guess my question is, why does Lost suck so much now?
Decidedly Unhappy Lost Lover
Dear DULL,
You think the problem is with the show, but unfortunately the problem is with you. You made a lot of incorrect assumptions at the beginning of the show’s run. You expected the story to follow the lives of The Losties – the people who appeared in the first episode. That was a mistake. The Losties were what we in the business call a Red Herring. It turns out that the characters that started on the show were merely a clever diversion away from the truly important characters.
In the second season you made a similar mistake. You assumed that the new characters, The Tailies, would be important to the plot and you tried to care about them (even though most of them were uninteresting to you) merely because the show spent so much time on them. Once again you were sucked in by a Red Herring. The Tailies were merely a tool by which to introduce The Others.
Now, from all of this you would assume that The Others would be the key characters. Don’t make this mistake. The Others merely serve as a tool to introduce the truly important characters, which I have dubbed The Other Others. Keep your eyes open — they’re coming.
If all of this seems confusing, it is only because you the viewer have failed the show. Have you watched each episode multiple times, preferably taking notes? Have you read the online content, perhaps creating a database of information? Have you called the phone numbers? Have you read the analysis on all of the blogs? Have you watched the commercial shorts? If you haven’t done all of those things, and stupidly thought that watching the show would be enough, you have no one else to blame but yourself. So to answer your question, the show doesn’t suck, you do.
Posted by J.C. on under Ask Mr. Media, TV |
Mr. Media,
Is Paula Abdul a Tree Frog? I looked them up in the Wikipedia, and the description seems to be spot on.
Thanks,
Curious Reader in Miami Proper
CRIMP,
No, Paula Abdul is not a tree frog. She is also not a tiny proton or neutron. Paula is a talented singer and performer who just happens to suffer from frogitis, a rare condition that results in an increased frog-like look, a tendency to speak in nonsensical phrases and a weird attraction to bullet trains. Paula needs our understanding during this difficult time in her life. Send her a loving note or some caviar.
