Everybody and their brother’s sister’s aunt knows that I love corporations. I live for them. Heck, I even have one of my own and I’m thinking of getting another real soon. If it weren’t for corporate greed, America would never have gotten into World War I, which caused World War II and gave us the opportunity to rule the world. It was an opportunity we grabbed for all it was worth. Corporations made America great and I won’t listen to any foo-foo commie talk to the contrary just because they control nearly every aspect of our lives. Somebody has to do it.
So, just because all the restaurant chains that are screwing up America are owned by corporations doesn’t mean I am bashing corporations. I am simply identifying attacks on the American way of life, no matter where they come from (because I am nothing if not fair). Besides, any self-respecting capitalist knows that restaurants are a lousy investment, so there is a good chance these particular corporations are owned by left wing nut-nuts anyway. If you are looking for a safe restaurant chain, look no further than Golden Corral people. Every Thursday is BBQ night. You can’t beat that. Texas Roadhouse is OK too, if you can sit in Willie Nelson Corner.
Sweet Tomatoes – Let me get this straight. I serve myself. I get my own drinks. I eat soup, bread and salad, then dessert. For this pleasure I pay you about ten bucks. Did I leave anything out? No, I didn’t. You did. You forgot DINNER!
Olive Garden – Olives do not grow in gardens, they grow in groves. Your breadsticks are dry and I have to wait for a table even when the place is half-empty. There is something very shifty about your whole operation.
5 & Diner – Oh sure, this restaurant claims to be a throwback to the good old fashioned fifties and has plenty of Americana, but have you seen the menu? French toast? Parisian omelets? French Dip? The Francheeze? I’ll forgive you the French fries, because that’s a battle we’ve already lost, but this slice of Americana has been way too Frenchified for me.
Applebee’s – Even I have been taken in by their riblets and lulled by their desserts, but this whole roll up thing has got to stop, and the first place I ever saw it was at Applebee’s so I’m blaming them. It isn’t a roll up, it’s a burrito! Only fruit rolls up, if you wrap something with a tortilla, it is a burrito. We basically own Mexico, so it is OK to call it that. Get with the program Applebee’s.
Denny’s – The other day I was in here and saw ten members of the National Guard wait 42 minutes to get their Grand Slams. What if there had been a crisis? These boys would have had to lift their sandbags while dog hungry. What do you have against our soldiers Denny’s?
Bennigan’s – These people are always screwing up my soup order. It’s a sign of impending chaos.
Chili’s – I can’t get that freakin’ Baby Back song out of my head and it is pissing me off. How many Americans have you infected with that jingle? You are doing serious damage to our psyches.
Claim Jumper – Ok, I’ll be fair, nice work on the soft pretzel. It is delicious. It is your Southwest Egg Rolls that are ruining America. This is another case of a restaurant mixing food nationalities and coming up with crap. Give me a burrito or an egg roll. This thing is neither.
Hooters – Tight clothes, big tits and greasy food. I get the concept. Normally I’d be praising you, but if you would PLUCK YOUR CHICKENS before you cook them, maybe I wouldn’t have been vomiting feathers on my wedding day.
Macaroni Grill – You can’t grill macaroni. That is just gross.
On the Border – There is something very Un-American about a Mexican restaurant that does not serve sopapillas. It is just about the best dessert ever and you can’t tell me it is very hard to make because it is basically fried dough with powdered sugar on it. If you have time to make Chocolate Turtle Empanadas you’ve got time for a few sopapillas.
Outback Steakhouse – Quit pushing the blooming onion and that weird-assed sauce it comes with. Sure, the first bite or two tastes great, but by the time the meal comes I want to vomit.
P.F. Chang’s – Why are so many people paying so much money for mediocre Chinese food? I think they are putting some sort of drug in the Chang sauce. I can’t prove it, but I also can’t prove the NBA playoffs are fixed, I just feel it in my gut.
Joe’s Crab Shack – Stop singing. You were singing. Cut it out.
IHOP – Why are you hiding your true identity? This place is the International House of Pancakes people. I have no problem with foreigners as long as they are open about it and willing to apologize for not being born here. When they try to hide their identity, however, I get suspicious. Just what are you plotting IHOP?
Rainforest Café – It actually started raining while I was eating dinner! That is taking a concept too far. Also, they want us to save the rainforests. America destroyed all of its rainforests by 1958 as part of our plan to win the Cold War, so there is no point in trying to save it now. As for the rest of the world, why should they have rainforests when we don’t? That just seems wrong to me.
Red Lobster – Is there an ice shortage at Red Lobster? I only get about three cubes in every drink and they melt before the buttery biscuits even get to the table. I have to ask for a glass of ice every time I go there. Ice is what separates civilization from chaos. If they scrimp on ice, what else are they scrimping on? It isn’t just the scampi, it’s America!
TGI Friday’s – When they eliminated the flair, they broke America’s heart. I may never eat a Slider again.
Ruby Tuesday – I thought Ruby Tuesday was the greatest chain restaurant in America until they replaced their frosted icy glasses with plastic mugs. I might as well be drinking out of a plastic bottle. You have disappointed me, which means you have disappointed America!
Cracker Barrel – I’m not entirely sure this is even a restaurant. This place has a row or rocking chairs out front, because they never let you in. Has anyone ever been inside of a Cracker Barrel? I usually give up after about six hours.
I see a little silhouetto of a man
Scaramouch, scaramouch will you do the fandango
Thunderbolt and lightning - very very frightening me
Gallileo, Gallileo,
Gallileo, Gallileo,
Gallileo Figaro - Magnifico!
But I’m just a poor boy and nobody loves me
He’s just a poor boy from a poor family
Spare him his life from this monstrosity
Easy come easy go, will you let me go?
Bismillah! No! We will not let you go - Let him go!
Bismillah! We will not let you go - Let him go!
Bismillah! We will not let you go - Let me go!
Will not let you go - let me go (never)
Never let you go - Let me go!
Never let me go-oooooooo
No, no, no, no, no, no, NO!
Oh mama mia, mama mia! Mama mia let me go
Beelzebub has The Thursday Night Bullet Points put aside for me…
for me…
FOR ME!
OK TV Nerds… Panasonic is coming out with a 103″ plasma screen TV. I’m thinking about how Die Hard would look on it, and I swear I’ve got a little wood. Oh, plus all the nut-shots on America’s Funniest Home Videos… or all the animals fucking on The Discovery Channel!
Brad Pitt & Angelina Jolie are reportedly trying to make a movie of Atlas Shrugged. Wake me when someone finally gets around to doing Brave New World with a bunch of those pretty WB kids.
Looks like Brittney Spears & K-SmellsLikeAss may be spawning a sibling for little Sean Preston, if he lives that long. Apparently she was spotted at a Vegas hotel swimming pool in a bikini, with a noticible bump. I’m sure the bump had nothing to do with the empty frito bags, jars of chili cheese dip, and Chocodiles wrappers.
Sharon Stone won a libel suit against a UK publication when they couldn’t prove that she left her son in her car. No one, however, appears to be in danger of losing any potential litigation for saying that she’s whacked out of her skull.
Illusionist David Copperfield tricked some muggers into thinking he didn’t have any money last Sunday night in Florida. Copperfield’s past illusions have included making a tank disappear, and making Claudia Schiffer think he had a penis for a few years.
I know some of you are expecting me to make rude comments about Snoop being arrested in England. But yo, Snoop’s my boy, a’ight? I ain’t about to get all up in his grill.
Kevin Costner’s in trouble for supposedly flashing a masseuse. Supposedly? Have you seen any of his movies? This guy can’t make it through dinner without dropping trou. Seriously, he’ll press ham against the window in the drive-through at Burger King.
Can we get a judge’s ruling on some of these commercials with dead celebrities in them? You’re right Applebee’s… Sammy Davis Jr. was cool. He was, in fact, so cool that he probably wouldn’t eat at Applebee’s. He sure wouldn’t hang out with the 2 douchebags you have in your ad campaign these days. Try the lady who played Fish’s wife. She’d eat at Applebee’s.
Happy Birthday, Casey Kasem. Keep your feet on the ground, and keep reaching for the LifeAlert button.
That’s it for The Bullets this week, kids. And good night Alex Pankey… wherever you are!
For reasons that I’m not going to go into here, because we’ve been over them, and over them, and OVER THEM, I have declared Thursday April 27th to be National Get In A Fight With Your Girlfriend Day. Feel free to extrapolate from this. For example, make it National Get In A Fight With Your Boyfriend Day, or National Get In A Fight With Your Life Partner Day, or your husband or wife, or whatever floats your boat.
If everything’s just peachy-keen in your relationship & you have nothing to fight about, here are some ideas. Oh, and also fuck you… you’ll get yours.
Leave the toilet seat up. ON THE CEILING FAN.
If she’s recently complained that you’re not romantic enough, write “I love you” on the soap in pubic hair. Then while she’s in the shower, serenede her by farting “Iris” by The Goo Goo Dolls. It’s actually easier than you might think.
Before you go to work in the morning, fill a 6 quart microwavable bowl with water & an entire tub of instant oatmeal. Rig the microwave to operate with the door open, set it for 50 minutes, and leave. Later that night, when asked about the dried oatmeal that is caked all over the counter, the front of the cabinets & the floor, say “It was like that when I got here.”
When she asks you nicely to please get her something from the kitchen, continue to stare at the commercials & say “No diggety.”
Make the pages of her fashion magazines a lil sticky. Clear corn syrup works well for this. Make sure the women on the sticky pages look nothing like her.
When that diamond commercial comes on where the guy says he’d marry the girl all over again, and suddenly her parents are there and he’s giving her the pretty diamond ring, say “Whatta load of crap.” This works even better if your mouth is full.
While talking with a friend on the phone, be heard saying “Life ain’t nuthin’ but bitches & money.”
Suggest a romantic getaway. While discussing dates, tell her that it can’t be the weekend of May 26th, because that’s when X-Men 3 opens. When she tries to argue, add that you can’t go anywhere at all next summer, because of the Transformers movie.
Leave a bottle of Dawn dishwashing liquid on the kitchen counter with a pretty bow on it, and a card that reads “Just because I love you. And because the dishes feel kinda greasy.”
Early in the day, imply that you will have a romantic candlelight dinner waiting for her when she gets home from work. When she walks in the door, be watching a sporting event in your underwear and ask her why she didn’t pick up the honey bar-b-que wings from KFC.
While watching The Sopranos, ask her if she thinks she’ll have that tight of an ass when she’s Carmela’s age.
When she complains about a co-worker, take the co-worker’s side. Then patronizingly say you’ll try to explain how the business world works to her. Be sure to call her “Toots” somewhere in there while doing it.
Remember to use those 3 little words: “Yeah, babe… whatever.”
ARIES (Mar. 21—Apr. 20)
As darkness falls in an old west town, two gunfighters emerge on opposite sides of the street. One is named Clem and the other is named Icarus. They stare each other down, and then pull out their guns. Their shots miss wildly and the whole town laughs at them. Embarrassed, they run into the desert and are killed by roving bands of antelopes. Sound familiar? I’ll bet you are faced with a similar battle this week.
TAURUS (Apr. 21–May 21)
My friend Sally has been on a diet for the past 126 weeks. In that time she has lost a total of seventeen pounds. Her diet consists of mashed turnips and black-eyed peas. We are all very proud of the progress Sally has made, but I sometimes wonder if the progress was worth the sacrifice. How do you like your turnips?
GEMINI (May 22–June 21)
I was playing blackjack the other day, and I was dealt a seventeen. The dealer was showing a six, and the only logical move was to stand pat like the four people before me. My intuition told me to hit though. Sure enough, the dealer threw me a four. I made 21. The dealer then turned her other card over and it was also a four. She then dealt herself a jack to make twenty. Thanks to my intuition, I won. All those other people who should have hit lost. Trust your intuition, Gemini.
CANCER (June 22–July 22)
Just a few hours ago I went to a Chinese restaurant and ordered the spicy shredded beef. True to its advertising, it was very spicy. I quickly went through my diet Coke and waited for the waiter to return. He didn’t come back for twenty-three minutes and I ate the whole spicy thing without further refreshment. Because of that, I only tipped fifteen percent. I think he got the message and so should you.
LEO (July 23—Aug. 22)
I think it is time for you to get that mole looked at. It seems a little discolored and I think it’s getting larger. Don’t tell me you don’t see it. Also, quit picking at your lip. You are starting to look like a meth addict.
VIRGO (Aug. 23–Sept. 23)
Last night I went to see a minor league baseball game and the pitcher was a guy who used to be in the big leagues. In fact, he pitched in two crucial World Series games. He lost both of them. Anytime you think about the pressure of failing, think about what it is like to lose two World Series games. There’s just no possible way you could screw anything up that bad. Besides, you are a Virgo. You rule.
LIBRA (Sept. 24–Oct. 23)
Well, after the week you’ve had, I’ll bet you could use a little rest and relaxation. You won’t get it, but I’ll bet you could use it. Try not to buy anything green or blue this week. It will be a bad purchase. If you need to buy a vegetable, get corn (not in the husk).
SCORPIO (Oct. 24–Nov. 22)
Can you imagine yourself in a boat looking out at a gorgeous sunset on a crystal clear lake while sipping your beverage of choice? Well, it is just your imagination. You’d better work your damned butt off this week or you are screwed – seriously. Also, don’t eat anything crunchy. If a Libra offers you any vegetable besides corn, say no.
SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 23–Dec. 21)
Freedom is just another word for naked volleyball. If you get a chance, play it. Oh sure, you’ll see some things jiggle that really shouldn’t, but the honesty alone will make you a better person. Also, if you think your cat is plotting against you, seek psychiatric help. It really is all in your head.
CAPRICORN (Dec. 22–Jan. 20)
Saddle up my friend. You are about to ride toward your destiny. You aren’t going to arrive this week or even next week. You are probably going to get there in about six weeks, but only if you start now. Hurry. If you blow it, I will laugh myself silly.
AQUARIUS (Jan. 21–Feb. 19)
If you have a copy of She-Devil in your video collection, please throw it away now. What were you thinking? Seriously, that is one god-awful movie and I can’t believe you paid money for it. Please tell me it was a gift. If you don’t own a copy, then good for you! You don’t suck.
PISCES (Feb. 20–Mar. 20)
Unless you are part of the one in sixteen Pisces that spent the week in rehab or jail, things are looking pretty good for you. You managed to avoid prosecution and chances are it didn’t make the papers. Just consider the whole incident a growing experience. If you didn’t get away with it, shame on you. You need to become a better liar.
Someone at E! is smart. Someone, who’s desk probably lies deep in a sub-basement somewhere surrounded by cases of Ryan Seacrest’s hair product, thought it would be a good idea to give Chelsea Handler her own show. So when Taradise offically ended, I’m guessing because Tara Reid could no longer be revived to a suitable state of coherence for taping, there was an opening. And somebody took a shot and said “We should give Chelsea Handler a show.” and the brass at E! BOUGHT IT.
I almost feel like I should repeat it so it sinks in a little… that’s right kids, The Chelsea Handler Show now graces the E! line-up. New shows air Friday nights at 10:30 PM, right after the first weekly showing of The Soup, making for a solid hour of good comedy that’s really worth looking for. Check your local listings for re-runs of Friday night’s debut… her riff on Jon Faverau’s Dinner For Five show on IFC (with celebrity look-alikes of Madonna, Tom Cruise, Tiger Woods, and Bono) is freaking HILARIOUS. And when she decides that because she’s on TV she needs a gay best friend, her Fifth Wheel-style interview process to fill the new job is priceless.
OK, I’m obviously a big fan of Chelsea’s… have been for years. I even got the chance to meet her a few years back at The Punchline. She’s smart, self-depracating, she’s got a razor wit, and she rips celebs a new one with the best of ‘em (”Why are people giving Angelina Jolie babies? Wasn’t it only like 3 years ago she was making out with her brother with a vial of blood around her neck?”). She manages to be warm & wicked at the same time. And her book, My Horizontal Life: A Collection Of One Night Stands is riotously funny (wait’ll ya get to the midget story). Plus, she’s a smokin’ hottie. But that’s beside the point. This post is about more than just pimping… it’s about programming.
I guess what I’m trying to say is that Chelsea’s a welcome change from all the standard E! bullshit, like the Wild On crap, and the 100 Hottest Celebrity Navels, and all the fucking Brangelina watching. This is a positive step for the network, and they should be rewarded. And so should Chelsea. With huge ratings.
So please watch the show… hopefully you’ll get a chance to see it before it gets replaced by Ryan Seacrest’s emotional, in-depth interview of his own asshole.
Here’s a lil taste of her new show:
And here’s a lil taste of her stand-up (please pardon the Ant):
I’ll bet you didn’t know it (because you won’t see any news of it on television) but this is Turn Off The TV Week. The TV-Turnoff Network is behind this drive to get people to turn off the television and go do something . . . anything. Frankly, the concept of life without television scares me. For much of my formative childhood years, TV was my only friend, and certainly the only one who didn’t talk about me behind my back or steal things from my room. I could never turn on (or is that turn off) my dear friend TV, but I can help those of you who do want to try by proposing some things that you can do instead of watch television.
For the Kids:
Run for student body president against another member of your family. When both of you lose the election, realize just how much you really care about your sibling.
Save someone in danger, get a lot of media attention, and let it go to your head, only realizing later the true meaning of heroic.
When your sister steals your boyfriend, make up an imaginary one. Keep holding on to the lie even when it becomes obvious to everyone that you are a total loon.
Become compulsively obsessed with fire safety, constantly berating other members of your family for their reckless attitudes.
Accept two dates to the big dance, and then spend all of your time trying to convince a lame assed singer to appear at the dance. When pressed for answers, tell people that “something suddenly came up.”
Lose your car privileges just before your big date, and then conspire to “borrow” the car anyway.
For the Adults:
“Accidently” get caught naked by a friend, and then spend the rest of the week trying to “even the score”.
When faced with a choice between two potential lovers, make a list comparing the pros and cons of each relationship. Make sure that you leave the list in a place where the potential lovers can find it.
In an effort to become smarter without spending too much money, buy and read a single letter of an encyclopedia. Whenever in conversation with someone else, try to steer it to subjects that begin with that letter.
Make a resolution that is hard to keep. Immediately start obsessing over it. Break the resolution by the end of the week.
Within days of breaking off a major relationship, go on a date with an attractive but bland potential partner. Spend the entire date obsessing over your ex. Call the ex while sitting in front of your date. Express surprise when the date doesn’t work out.
For those who don’t know J. Fred Muggs, he hosted The Today Show from 1953 to 1957. This was during the earliest days of television, when censorship and close mindedness made it difficult for young comedians to thrive. J. Fred Muggs flew in the face of all that thinking with his wild antics and edgy humor, and he paid a price. I recently tracked J. Fred down at a retirement community in Florida. It was a fascinating interview that left me with newfound respect for an old-time comedian.
J.C.: So, you’re a monkey right?
J. Fred: Oh no, I am nobody’s monkey. I am a chimpanzee actually.
J.C.: Sorry, my mistake.
J. Fred: Do not fret about it my good man. It happens all the time.
J.C.: And you were one of the original hosts of The Today Show?
J. Fred: No, I am afraid not. I came in during the second year. The Today Show was in a bit of a ratings pickle, and they brought me in to appeal to a younger demographic.
J.C.: A younger demographic?
J. Fred: Yes, you see I was a more edgy comedian. Of course, this was back in the days before political humor was all the rage. We did not have the grandiose topical satire of a Jon Stewart or a Dennis Miller. No, back then it was mostly pratfalls, gropes and pooh flinging. Of course, I had to dampen that a bit. For most of the show I was forced to fling things such as cake and pudding.
J.C.: I understand they stuck you in a diaper.
J. Fred: Yes, censorship was rampant in those days. It was a very repressed society. The thought of a chimpanzee with his doo-doo-willy hanging out was far too much for John and Sally Smith in the suburbs.
J.C.: Have things changed?
J. Fred: Oh yes, between Lenny Bruce and PETA I can now feel free to take matters into my own hands whenever I please. Of course, now I’m too old to do much with it.
J.C.: That’s a shame.
J. Fred: Tell me about it my good sir. Sadly, a sixty-year-old chimpanzee is not much good to anyone.
J.C.: You have lived a long and full life though.
J. Fred: Actually, I feel as if I peaked quite early. I was only six-years-old when I was blackballed from the Today show, and I have not had much work since.
J.C.: Ahh yes, the Martha Raye incident. Do you want to go into what happened?
J. Fred: It was all just a bunch of overblown nonsense. Did I bite Martha Raye? Yes, but it was part of a skit. She and I discussed it backstage beforehand. She thought it was hilarious. I mean, I certainly had a bad-boy image, but that was what I was there for. I was brought in to shake things up and keep things fresh. What was I supposed to do, just sit in a corner and lick an absurdly large lollipop? I was a catalyst, not a prop!
J.C.: I can see this is still a painful subject for you.
J. Fred: Well of course it is. Once you get a reputation as a biter your career is just about over. Maybe if you are in movies like Sharon Stone, but if your work is in network television, biting is the kiss of death. Do you remember Marv Albert? You need look no further that poor fellow, and he was not even on the job. His biting was purely recreational.
J.C.: You make an excellent point. There seems to be very low tolerance for biting on network television – interesting. So after that they replaced you with another chimp, Kokomo Jr.
J. Fred: Yes, poor Kokomo. I mean, I bear him no ill will, but it was kind of like replacing Sam Kinison with Dave Coulier. NBC thought the public was looking for something adorable, and he certainly had the looks, but he was hopelessly overmatched and in my opinion the suits at NBC were never serious about his success. I think they wanted him to fail so they could go a new direction. He was a victim really. He was cute but with no other real appeal, much like Deborah Norville.
J.C.: You mention Deborah Norville, so I assume you’ve kept up with the show over the years?
J. Fred.: Oh yes, I’m a regular watcher. As upsetting as my departure was, I still consider myself one of the team.
J.C.: So, in your opinion who has been the best host, besides you of course.
J. Fred: Oh, that is an easy answer. Joe Garagiola was as good a host as you will ever find. That man was a trouper. He could handle anything.
J.C.: And the worst host?
J. Fred: Well, I am obviously not a big fan of Dave Garroway. I actually sued him for character defamation at one point, but my personal opinions may be clouding my judgment of his talent. I can tell you I was never really a fan of Barbara Walters. She acts like a rude but clingy aunt. Not my kind of gal.
J.C.: And what do you think of Katie Couric?
J. Fred: Oh, Katie is adorable. She’s a stitch too. I certainly wish her all the success in the world with her new engagement at CBS.
J.C.: You think she’ll do well?
J. Fred: Well, it is a tough gig. Like many people, I am not sure if she has the gravitas required to anchor the evening news. I think it will be a tough adjustment, and the public may have to learn to think of Katie in a whole new light. She is a classy lady though. I think she has all the talent in the world.
J.C.: Well, your handlers are telling me it is about time for your nit bath, is there anything else you’d like to say to America before we end this?
J. Fred: Just this. There is a lot of political unrest in the world, and it can be scary sometimes. I know I get frightened. Just remember that as long as there is laughter and fun out there, there is also hope.
J.C.: Thank you Fred.
J. Fred: Oh thank you my good man, and feel free to come back anytime.
2 Comments to Read 
Everybody and their brother’s sister’s aunt knows that I love corporations. I live for them. Heck, I even have one of my own and I’m thinking of getting another real soon. If it weren’t for corporate greed, America would never have gotten into World War I, which caused World War II and gave us the opportunity to rule the world. It was an opportunity we grabbed for all it was worth. Corporations made America great and I won’t listen to any foo-foo commie talk to the contrary just because they control nearly every aspect of our lives. Somebody has to do it.
I’ll bet you didn’t know it (because you won’t see any news of it on television) but this is Turn Off The TV Week. The TV-Turnoff Network is behind this drive to get people to turn off the television and go do something . . . anything. Frankly, the concept of life without television scares me. For much of my formative childhood years, TV was my only friend, and certainly the only one who didn’t talk about me behind my back or steal things from my room. I could never turn on (or is that turn off) my dear friend TV, but I can help those of you who do want to try by proposing some things that you can do instead of watch television.
For those who don’t know J. Fred Muggs, he hosted The Today Show from 1953 to 1957. This was during the earliest days of television, when censorship and close mindedness made it difficult for young comedians to thrive. J. Fred Muggs flew in the face of all that thinking with his wild antics and edgy humor, and he paid a price. I recently tracked J. Fred down at a retirement community in Florida. It was a fascinating interview that left me with newfound respect for an old-time comedian.
J. Fred: Yes, you see I was a more edgy comedian. Of course, this was back in the days before political humor was all the rage. We did not have the grandiose topical satire of a Jon Stewart or a Dennis Miller. No, back then it was mostly pratfalls, gropes and pooh flinging. Of course, I had to dampen that a bit. For most of the show I was forced to fling things such as cake and pudding.
J. Fred: Yes, poor Kokomo. I mean, I bear him no ill will, but it was kind of like replacing Sam Kinison with Dave Coulier. NBC thought the public was looking for something adorable, and he certainly had the looks, but he was hopelessly overmatched and in my opinion the suits at NBC were never serious about his success. I think they wanted him to fail so they could go a new direction. He was a victim really. He was cute but with no other real appeal, much like Deborah Norville.